ghosts and all

painting of a demon with horns who remember cat ears holdinhg a cute orange cat

gentle 02

prints to usa: www.inprnt.com/gallery/guil...

t-shirts, prints and much more to usa, europe and oceania: www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/1609...

Black and white photo of a shorthaired white and black cat lying on a disheveled bed, looking very sweetly up at the camera.

A beautiful little moment. Photo from my collection, ca. 1950s.

you two 🤭

found the words "don't be such a sad bitch all the time" written on the underside of my desk

" The moon weeping says 'I want to be an orange' "

i never paid much attention to abandoned buildings until i became one myself.

and this isn't even fear anymore, but a desperate numbness

i can only claw at my walls so long before the exhaustion sets in, too deep to swim through anymore

but they are itching hot red right below the surface

i whisper, and sometimes i am heard

i whisper, but most times what i am saying gets swallowed up by my breath, barely making it past my lips

the desire for connection is just so strong at 4am
and i don't even know where to start

there are so many holes in my seams, there are so many secret places that are just so dark, deep ocean places

and there so many words that are stuck inside my skin that i don't know how to bleed out

😅

😏🫠

what if when i tell you that i love your hair, what i really mean is "do you want to hang out and do weird shit to each other?"

me first.

feel free to forget it all and get stoned.
the world knows i am not the easiest person to love.
all i can do now is remain a phantom among phantoms. a shadow a hundred times more shadowy than that shifty shape in your bedroom corner at 3am.

an unctuous mass wholly free from bones

A blue moon butterfly perched on a green leaf in sunlight.

Coloration is a delicate dance in nature. A vivid signal can attract a mate — and a predator.
www.quantamagazine.org/when-did-nat...

maybe one day you'll mention the
dents, the holes in the walls and doors,
the shouting, the anger,
the control, all of it,
and how it might not
be getting better.

tell yourself: quit being dumb.

you back up.
you messed up.
you retreat.
tell yourself: quit being dumb.

things get worse.
wait, no.
they're getting better?
you can't tell.
and you're sad all the time.

you are too good at this.
you even begin to confuse yourself.
but eventually you misstep.
you tell someone
an anecdotal story
of the mirage you're living.
they don't understand.

armor made of indecisiveness
and weird gut-feelings
put far away in the dusty corners
of a chaotic mind.
pretend it's all in your head.
it is easy to disguise harsh words,
and disappointments as hazy memories
of stressful days.
get more creative when
physical evidence stares at you
day after day

i had something important (to me) to say about this, but now i can't remember what it was.

this did not end how i thought it would (cannabis)

vegan chile rellenos. flower. the god molecule. nirvana. really soft t-shirts. lots of writing and lots of mind wandering. this is how summer 2025 goes.

only every day

it will be ok 🫂

everything around me, and the very fact that i have to go on in the midst of it, whispers to me my own failure and horribleness as a human being.

not spiraling in the thought loop doesn't seem to be an option right now. i can't focus on my job. or anything at all. i don't want this. hopefully tomorrow i can wake up and feel really stupid for being so dramatic.

because everything has been so wrapped in contradiction and viewed with rose lenses, i can barely admit certain things to myself. there are too many things to put into words, and i don't even know that i want to try. i need to shut my thoughts off and stop spiraling

this won't make sense. but perhaps as a side effect of certain activities, i realized i have been, for so long, living two separate lives. so much so, i was able to keep one of them entirely from myself as well as everyone else. now i see it and i am so fucked.