Ralph (frozen solid)

Im reading Boneshaker by Cherie Priest; probably gonna watch the Pitt

Get over your purity tests, progressives! If you don't vote for our candidate, Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer's Ravaged Brain In A Jar Piloting A Robot Body Like Krang, you're only helping fascism win. Grow up, comrade.

Role Models

It's a real vicious cycle: complaining that nobody wants to fuck you renders you even more unfuckable, thus spawning more complaining.

It is known in economics as compounding unfuckability and once started it is very difficult for shitty douchebags to free themselves from.

Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I'd love to. Is now a good time to come take a look?

heads up to the american news media: I do not care what racists thought of the super bowl halftime show

Excellent episode in which they talk about the movie for an entire eight minutes, which I believe is a new record.

Yes of course. Why should we attempt to hold those we elected to represent our interests accountable for failing to represent our interests when it matters most? Obviously criticism of those that are failing to meet this critical moment and save us from tyrrany is the worst thing one can do.

Doctor: So we will wait for the test results but in the meantime make an appointment for a month from now so we can confirm you are still old and fat

Sorry, this game is not for you. To win you have to look at the frog.

Good morning winners!!!

Headquarters of the International Copy Editors, est 1993:

Hey Boss, remember that "ICE gets it right" promotion you had me send out a few months ago? 20% off all copy editing services or whatever? It seems to have gone a bit...viral.

Oh yes? That's good, isn't it?

Um. No.

The coolest feature of this statuette that my uncle brought back from his research trip to those ancient ruins is how it promises me unimaginable wealth and power in exchange for a teeeeeny bit of human sacrifice and a pretty reasonable amount of body modification

I’m hearing reports out of Pennsylvania that Punxsutawney Phil has been consumed by his own shadow, which is now threatening to swallow the world.

This is the one time in the history of YouTube that you should read the comments

[cop questioning me about a robbery in the walmart clothing section] where were you two nights ago?
[me wearing a pajama top that says time to wine down] work I think

I am once again angered that all evil people are not smart Hannibal Lectors but are much more malevolent Beavises

Catherine O'Hara, Emmy-winning actor and comedian of 'Schitt's Creek' fame, dies at 71 O'Hara, the Emmy-winning actor known for comedic roles across the decades — from Kevin's beleaguered mom in “Home Alone” to the iconic Moira Rose in “Schitt's Creek” — died at her home in Los Angeles ...

Catherine O'Hara, the Emmy-winning actor known for comedic roles across the decades — from Kevin's beleaguered mom in "Home Alone" to the iconic Moira Rose in "Schitt's Creek" — died Friday at 71. https://to.pbs.org/4c2hxDl

every friend group chat has the person in it that thinks the others don’t have the internet or watch the news. like six hours after the Statue of Liberty fell over due to old bolts they’re in the chat like “statue of Liberty fell down. bolts are fucked”

My favorite part of the movie is when she's wearing that huge fancy gown and then she sneezes and farts at the same time and the gown billows up like when we had parachute day in kindergarten P.E.

My son: What are these protests going to do? Trump doesn't care.
Me: He doesn't care. That's true. But our friends and neighbors do, and they need to see us speaking up for them. And more than that, don't ever lose your "fuck you." That's your most important asset. That instinct to say "fuck you."

Dan Hooker's name has been incorrectly translated as "Dan Prostituta"

fighter Dan Hooker faces his ultimate opponent - machine translation

This is what happens if you successfully hold in a big sneeze

Let's hear it for the fuckiN BOSS

Son, someday all this (motions towards a cold pitiless world bereft of justice) will be yours

If you need a break from The Horrors take a bit of time to listen to these excellent people talk about this terrible movie. Like a salve for an over heating brain.

ME: hi i’m here for literal club

WORKER: *holding clipboard* what is your name

ME: no it isn't

I don't want to be talking about this shit every day. I want to write dumb little dick jokes and try and make my friends laugh. It pisses me off these monsters are forcing these conversations.

A picture of a washing machine drain filter that kinda looks like a chain mail condom

These condoms I got from the Renaissance Faire aren't working at all

My theory is that they're doing their strategic planning on a Risk board.

A picture of the book Murder Most Puzzling by Tim Dedopolos

A coworker showed me the puzzle book she bought today and I said holy shit I know the guy that wrote that!

@ghostwoods.bsky.social you're blowing up out here my friend!