george

Your Honor, as much as I would love to "do it normal this time", I believe the medium of dance is vital to my defense

"Chrome will relaunch in 56 minutes" Thank you for telling me that, but beings like me operate on the scale of millennia, so please don't take offense if I seem unmoved by your small affairs

My favorite thing about a book is when it "doesn't overstay its welcome". This is because of my overall hostility towards books

In the warehouse, I found out the tasks I take to most naturally are what the others call "monkey work". Someone will often shout "Monkey work!" and I'll rush over to be of some help. This is all fine, except I've heard them call this "scurrying", which does not square with my professional ethos

As one of two keepers of our order's gravest secret, it's my job to choose a successor if my counterpart reaches his end. As a believer in rebirth of the soul, I will select whoever I believe to be his next personage. Finally, as a proponent of experiential learning, I will turn my sword on myself

A curse upon you. A curse of goo. A curse of goo on you and your house, on your family, a curse of slippery, sloppery goo. May your progeny never know a day without goo - encased, ensconced in goo for endless time. A plague of goo forever on your line. A curse I say

Any time Bill

Before the rest of the diving team descend, I like to go down and rearrange the fish. I think the fish are very convincing when arranged this way, and quite pleasing to the eye. I'm hoping this will stir a love of nature in my colleagues, who often lambast me for having a tender heart

Has anyone seen the Beast of Murmurs lately? I already asked the Beast of Whispers, but I could barely hear them over that accursed Beast of Screams

Makes sense, I've been told similar things before

Not sure, all the theories I've heard have been quite believable

What do you get the guy who has everything...?

𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝
𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓
𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑠—
𝐶𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐺𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑘

Every day I wake up and eat the flesh of the Fruit That Causes Harm. They always asked me why I ate of it, but I never knew why. After years of therapy and self-examination, I can finally say I eat of the harming fruit because it's so yummy to me it's delicious and it tastes soo good and yummy

Telling my therapist I've been feeling Grinse lately so they think I'm not like their other clients

Wonderful! It's always encouraging to hear about others practicing virtuous conduct (𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘢)

If I were an optician, I would NOT shoot a jet of air into your eye. I would find a nonviolent (𝘢𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘢) way to perform the tests

In RealmWorld you can build a yacht-size vessel only to find out you need a woodsailing level of 500 to pilot it

My favorite MMO is RealmWorld. It has over a hundred different skills to develop, like woodcutting, woodcarving, woodshaving, woodthrowing, woodgreasing, woodburning, woodseeking, woodmeeting, wooddating, woodwedding, woodleaving, woodmissing, woodcrying, woodgrieving

Note: A previous version of this article referred to the subject in a disparaging tone. The author has since developed loving-kindness for all sentient beings and revised the article accordingly.

In my role playing game there are many Matches, which are made up of Rounds, which consist of Turns. Every Turn has four Quarter-Turns. There are several Actions in each Quarter-Turn, and each of those has multiple Moments. Moments are precious. Each one contains the entirety of one Existence

The blacksmith in our town's a sewer rat named Rat de Culvert, and though his hammer's strokes do fall with careful might, the townsfolk keep him far in word and quarters. Maybe it's his lowborn air, perhaps his ratly stink, but day by day I wonder how the nose could be more precious than the heart

I am but one of many Seasoning Stewards tasked with flavoring Her Majesty's meals. I employ the finest Black Peppercorns, precision-ground to suit each dish. Yet still her royal palate favors the White Peppercorn Steward who, despite the mild temper of his spice, is a heavy-handed brute

Today as a collaborative exercise my team and I traveled to the outskirts of the city and spake our individual vices into the void: "glory addiction", "glory obsession", "addiction to glory",

My love, I hope this letter finds you well. Things go nicely at the bog, and the other men are in good spirits. They say if we place our nets right we'll return with bog crabs enough for the county. But I confess, at times I suffer a sinister melancholy; I've taken to prodding the crabs with a stick

Beating the most learned scholar in our town over the head with an Artefact I've acquired by dubious means

The neighborhood raff have grown replete on the exquisite aphids about my parterre

People who say herbal tea is caffeine-free invariably neglect to mention the ambient level of caffeine present in the tea around us

Me? I've got some hobbies, I guess. Adult stuff. Boring stuff. Beans, coins, the earth. Don't know much about computers. Don't care to. Don't know much about cell phones either, or electric guitars. Guitars of any kind, for that matter. Beans and the earth, enough for me. Coins I can live without

Spending 85 pages of my fantasy novel describing how humanity's armies come together to tie the laces on a single shoe of The World Giant, a creature I've invented to illustrate the futility of human endeavor in my fantasy novel. The shoes protect its feet from World Brambles, World Twigs, and so on