I am Jack's Cellphone

Pages from the Dan Simmons novel “The Rise of Endymion” with text as follows: Brothers in the Muir, res friends, Reveteds, honored TEEN, guests, beloved sentient friends, Revered One Who human guests, beloved sentient friends, Revered One Who Teaches • we shall finish this discussion at another time and in another place. I take it as a consensus of those among us Pax space in three standard days is agreed to that M. Aenea's request for the treeship Yggdrasill to depart for ...and that, with luck and courage, thus shall be fulfilled the ancient Ten-plar prophecies of the Tree of Pain and the time of Atonement for all children of Old Earth. Now we will finish our meal and speak of other things. This formal meeting is adjourned, and what remains of our short voyage must be friendly conversation, good food, and the sacrament of real coffee grown from beans harvested on Old Earth ... our common home... the good Earth. This meeting is adjourned. I have spoken. ATER THAT EVENING, IN THE WARM LIGHT OF OUR rivate cubby, Aenea and I made love, spoke of personal things, nd had a late, second supper of wine and zygoat cheese and esh bread. Aenea had gone off to the kitchen cubby for a moment and turned with two crystal bulbs of wine. Offering me one, she id, "Here, Raul, my beloved. take this and drink." "Thanks," I said without thinking and started to raise the Ib to my lips. Then I froze. "Is this. did you. • "Yes,"' said Aenea. "It is the communion that I have deed so long for you. Now it is yours if you choose to drink. you do not have to do this, my love. It will not change the • I feel about you if you choose not to." Still looking into her eyes, I drained the wine in the b d only of wine. enea was weeping. She turned her head dy seen the tears in her lovely, dark e' atad tooether in the THE RISE DF ENDYMION 551 She shook her head. "I love you, Raul." "I love you, Aenea. She kissed my neck and clung to me. "For what you have just done, for me, in my name, you will be hu…

When I read these books, almost 30 years ago now, I was mesmerized by Simmons’ world building and the love story of the last two books. Sorry, they hooked me at that age: a sci-fi damsel-in-distress who is in reality *the* savior. I look back on it now, and oh boy, dumb dumb me 👍

Various books by Dan Simmons and Neal Stephenson arranged in a circle on the floor, my Middle Finger of Endearment to the bottom left

Hmmm…👍

An advertisement in the magazine "The Weekly Standard" featuring an issue with Al Gore on the cover naked holding his hands over his nether regions with the title "EXPOSED!" above

Having flashbacks to when my wife asked me "What kind of perv magazines are you subscribing us to?" when the Al Gore "EXPOSED!" issue below arrived in the mail (I got better...taste, eventually) 👍

The items shown are paperback copies of the science fiction novels Endymion and The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmons held in my left hand, a light brown wood & black metal seat in the background with taupe walls & gray carpet. These books constitute the third and fourth installments of the Hyperion Cantos series. The Rise of Endymion won the Locus Award for Best Science Fiction Novel in 1998. The plot follows the characters Raul Endymion and Aenea, concluding the story arc of the Hyperion saga

"It doesn't look like anything to me..." 👍

YouTube video by ALittleOfSomething KMFDM - A Drug Against War (Video)

KMFDM's catalog is just too rich in this vein unfortunately 👍

The image features Festina Pêche, a seasonal beer from Dogfish Head Brewery in a four-pack on a brown bar. Type: A "neo-Berliner Weisse" style ale. Flavor Profile: Brewed with real peach juice, it is described as sour, fruit-forward, and refreshing. Alcohol Content: 4.5% ABV. Availability: Typically released as a summer seasonal beer.

Festina lente...or something like that👍

“Someone” with their face pixelated out placing their rear end out of the passenger window of a vehicle after a hike during which they definitely consumed something akin to far too many burritos for their digestive system to handle

Definitely not wasting any of that money on “dignity” 👍

An orange road bike with blue handles in a black driveway with green lawn to the side; a Michelob Ultra bottle sitting in bottle holder in the middle of the handle bar

I know in my jurisdiction that would likely result in a citation by law enforcement (hmmm!). Maybe a stationary beer trolley of some sort that you can pedal in place? Could put it on a dyno at an automotive place. If so, I’ll allow it 👍

A blue and white cooler on wheels in a grassy area next to a pitched green and gray tent, one of our children protecting a large container of blaze orange cheesy poofs from greedy eyes & stomachs

I would have suggested utilizing a Wheelie-Cool cooler on wheels so you at least have to do the work of lugging the beer and foodstuffs around yourself, but no one said I was smart 👍

The image shows the interior of a portable toilet on a trailhead in the Shenandoah Mountains, containing a can of Lime-A-Rita and other debris in the waste tank (I removed said can and carried it out, for humorous purposes only); my blaze orange Vibram Five Fingers in the bottom foreground. Portable toilets utilize a blue deodorizing liquid to manage waste and odor. It is crucial not to dispose of trash, such as beverage cans or feminine hygiene products, into these units as they can clog pump hoses. These units require professional servicing to be emptied and cleaned.

I foresee only *one* impediment to the success of this plan 🤔

The item in the image is a red can of Mad Ballr malt beverage, 12% ABV, held in my left hand in front of a valley in the Shenandoah Mountains with low-lying clouds in the background (green foliage, gray rock). It is a 12% alcohol by volume (ABV) flavored malt beverage. The packaging features a distinct plaid design on a shrink-sleeve label. It is available in flavors such as Fruit Punch, Black N Blue Berry, and Lemonade.

While *hiking* the 10 miles? So you're threatening me with all this "training" I have done actually paying off? 👍

This image shows our refrigerator stocked with several beverage products; my left hand in the bottom left corner extending the Middle Finger of Endearment toward the items. Busch Light: A light lager beer brewed by Anheuser-Busch. It is known for having fewer calories and a lighter body compared to traditional lager. Outlaw Light: A light beer brand designed for specific regional markets or themes. White Claw Hard Seltzer: A popular alcoholic seltzer brand featuring various fruit flavors.

This image shows a Grubhub delivery order from Taco Bell for a customer named Chris (me, with my left hand held in front of the box) The order contains 25 items in total, including 12 Beef Crunchy Tacos and 12 Beef Soft Tacos. It also includes a Big Cheez-It Tostada. The order was ready for pick-up on June 27, 2024, at 11:50 PM.

Yeah, with the proviso that you get to choose which beers & which tacos, this is a walk-in-the-park 👍

YouTube video by Saturday Night Live Pirates Convention - Saturday Night Live

And that's without even getting into the "Sarsgaards" 👍

This image features a Dell monitor displaying a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet on my medium brown wooden office desk. Monitor: A Dell-branded monitor displaying data tables. Keyboard: A Lenovo-branded keyboard is visible in the foreground. Product: A 6-pack and a single bottle of Mike's Hard Watermelon Lemonade (dark pink and green accents) are placed on the desk. Setting: An office or workspace environment.

I don't know about Excel's emotional state, but this is about the only time I ever feel "good" using it 👍

This text is from the novel The Stand by Stephen King with my finger pointing to the highlighted last sentence of the novel "I don't know." The scene depicts a conversation about the destructive nature of human-made "toys" like weapons and plague. Characters Stuart and Frannie discuss whether humanity will ever learn from its past mistakes. The passage emphasizes the bleak reality of a post-apocalyptic world. Text as follows: THE STAND 11.35 "What does that mean?" "Everything," he said, and took her hand, Looking down at Peter he thought: Maybe if we tell him what happened, he'll tell his own children. Warn them. Dear children, the toys are death-they're flashburns and radiation sickness and black, choking plague. These toys are danger-ous; the devil in men's brains guided the hands of God when they were made. Don't play with these toys, dear children, please, not ever. Not ever again. Please... please learn the lesson. Let this empty world be your copybook. "Frannie," he said, and turned her around so he could look into her eyes. "What, Stuart?" "Do you think anything?" do you think people ever learn She opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, fell silent. The kerosene lamp flickered. Her eyes seemed very blue. "I don't know," she said at last. She seemed unpleased with her answer; she struggled to say something more; to illuminate her first response; and could only say it again: I don't know.

At this point, I can barely remember anything but the uncut version & the fact that some of the "cut" elements are in the mini-series has reinforced the effect. That said, in my last couple attempts at a re-read I have tapped out around the 800-page mark, so preference-wise...👍

This image shows a meal consisting of Campbells SpaghettiOs canned pasta topped with a significant amount of what appears to be dehydrated cheese powder from a bag labeled "From the Cheese Fairy" on a white kitchen countertop. Main Dish: A bowl of ring-shaped spaghetti in a tomato-based sauce, which is a common, budget-friendly comfort food. Topping: A plastic bag next to the bowl contains a bright orange powder, likely a cheese seasoning often found in macaroni and cheese kits. Context: The handwritten label "To Chris From the Cheese Fairy" suggests this may be a humorous gift or a personalized preparation.

SpaghettiOs👍

A turquoise Toyota Tacoma from the early 2000s in well-maintained condition with mildly upgraded wheels & tires on a road with green foliage in the background

Bingo 👍

This item is a paperback copy of the science fiction novel To Sail Beyond the Sunset by Robert A. Heinlein held in my left hand, featuring a "Space Goddess" naked with red hair covering the key areas to avoid being p*rn, standing in a white shell with a white-ish cat at her feet. Author: Robert A. Heinlein. Genre: Science Fiction. Format: Paperback. Key Features: Originally published in 1987, this book is described as an autobiographical masterpiece told from the perspective of Maureen Johnson.

"Missed a spot..." 👍

The item shown is Crabs Adjust Humidity Volume One (red background, black crab claw silhouette with white text), a third-party expansion pack for the popular party game Cards Against Humanity held in my left hand in front of a Christmas tree after receiving them as a gift from Santa in my stocking, thus ruining my next great idea. It is an unofficial, unauthorized expansion featuring morally-questionable content designed to blend with the original game. Volume One specifically includes 112 cards (80 white, 32 black) professionally printed on linen-finish cardstock. The game is recommended for players aged 17 and older. It is not associated with the creators of Cards Against Humanity.

"Now, just hear me out..." 👍

A silver Ibanez guitar body that I stripped and was in the process of repainting while hanging on a hook from the ceiling in our garage; various garage items in the background including a silver ladder and a Big Wheel (yellow & red with blue accents)

Plug and play baby 👍

A black and silver burst Epiphone SG with a broken neck leaning up against a brown and blue wooden chair in my office; gray patterned carpet in the background

I bought it on a whim as a backup, they refunded my money & let me keep the guitar rather than ship it back (I frankensteined the pickups, pots, etc. into another guitar) so I never wound up owning one! I did get a Gibson SG at one point, but yeah, neck dive caused a few accidents so I sold it 👎

A guitar neck of an Epiphone SG broken in the middle from damage during shipping (black with silver strings, cardboard packaging in the background)

“Protect Ya Neck” 👍

A “Jaws” shark-themed pinball machine in Arlington VA along with other similar machines

Egg-cellent 👍

A pinball machine lit up with my left hand holding a beverage in convenient cup holder attached to the front

Pinball you say… 👍

A screenshot of Angel di Maria at a press conference with caption as follows: QUOTE: Ángel di María: "It hurts when you're doing your best and then you hear that you might be going to Tottenham."

👍

The Acme Pie Co. store front in Arlington VA; light tan brick facade with black metal outlined glass, white sign lettering; Columbia Pike

Always pass there at night when they are closed, so I honestly have no idea what they serve & just picture Wile E. Coyote making TNT laden turnovers or something 👍

It’s a Rom-Com 👍

A screenshot from the opinion linked above with text as follows: United States Court of Appeals FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA CIRCUIT Argued February 25, 2014 Decided June 13, 2014 No. 13-7017 LARRY ELLIOTT KLAYMAN, APPELLANT V. MARK ZUCKERBERG AND FACEBOOK, INC., APPELLEES Appeal from the United States District Court for the District of Columbia (No. 1:11-cv-00874) Larry Klayman argued the cause and filed the brief for appellant. Craig S. Primis argued the causes for appellees. With him on the brief was K. Winn Allen. Before: TATEL, BROWN and MILLETT, Circuit Judges. Opinion for the Court filed by Circuit Judge MILLETT. MILLETT, Circuit Judge: Three years ago, plaintiff-appellant Larry Klayman encountered a page on Facebook's social networking website entitled "Third Palestinian

Could not happen to a more deserving "plaintiff-appellant-attorney" 👍
www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/...

A screenshot from the court filing linked above which includes a deposition of Laura Loomer as plaintiff with text as follows: 5 BY MS. BOLGER: 6 7 Q Can you explain to me what it means to say to her that "the Arby's in her pants"? 8 A Well, Arby's -- 9 MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. 10 BY MS. BOLGER: 11 Q Answer the question. 12 13 A Arby's sells roast beef. Q Right. Can you tell me what -- why you were 14 talking about "the Arby's in her pants"? 15 A Well, it's just a an expression. 16 17 Q What is the expression trying to convey? A It conveys the reason why she got a divorce 18 by her own admission. 19 Q Because she had roast beef in her pants? 20 A Yeah. 21 Q She'd put roast beef in her pants; that's 22 what you're trying to say there? You're literally 0339 7367930_unsynchronized.txt[7/29/25, 12:28:40 PM] Case 5:24-cv-00625-JSM-PRL Document 100 Filed 07/31/25 1 saying she put Arby's in her pants? 2001 2 A I'm saying she literally -- it's so 3 ridiculous. I'm saying she literally put Arby's in 4 her pants. Yes. 5 MR. KLAYMAN: Objection. Relevancy. 6 BY MS. BOLGER: 7 Q You're not making a slur about her? 8 A No. 9 Q You're literally saying she put an Arby's 10 sandwich in her pants; is that right? 11 A Yes. That's correct. That's correct. 12 13 Q Why are you laughing? 14 A Because I just think it's so funny. Q What is your basis for saying she put Arby's

"Five words?"

"Five words."

"the Arby's in her pants..."

"...🔫..."

👍

storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

The image features an "I Pooped Today" humorous graphic t-shirt (gray with black text) available in various styles for men and women worn by my Brother-in-Law (yellow smiling emoji with a tear from one eye over his face) at a pool area

Really gotta set up an F.A.Q. with hard boundaries for all group chats these days 👍