Fox

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“All I Want for My Birthday Is to Fuck Another Mayfly,” by a Mayfly I’m going to keep this brief. Tomorrow I will shed my nymphal skin and exoskeleton and burst forth in all of my winged adult mayfly glory. I’ll hav...

"If it’s not clear by now, allow me to spell it out for you: I JUST WANT TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL REPRODUCTION WITH A FEMALE MEMBER OF MY OWN SPECIES BEFORE THE LIGHT OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS IS EXTINGUISHED FOREVER."

So crunchy

Exactly. They want someone to do something, but god forbid they do anything.

I cited actual Kirk quotes where he calls Black women less intelligent, demonizes me for being Muslim, & dehumanizes LGBTQ people—& his supporters are upset at me for “speaking evil of the dead.”

If quoting him is “speaking evil” maybe ask yourself why you followed someone who believed evil things.

One guy is much easier to remove with…methods.

The problem is that there are still more than enough sycophants ready to take his place that hope they can carry the movement forward.

We would never be so lucky.

Trump ruins everything he touches is not exactly a breaking story.

“WTB: BONES. NO QUESTIONS ASKED”

They just won’t pay it for three years. They can wait him out.

Neat- what’s their name? Let’s find out some truths about them.

A three sock day! What a blessing!

“What’s that flare mean? Is that good? Did we wi-“

Moments later, the mug was knocked off the ledge accidentally.

She’s basically asking which set of oil executives she’ll have to blow.

Wow, it’s almost like Trump ruins everything he touches, even if he really likes it.

Is this another Jeff Mach show?

That’s probably true. Our systems division got pretty gutted. They’re doing their best in an impossible situation.

What a guy

If Andy pisses off NY much more, they’re going to stop paying all his bills.

To be fair, Trump is right. The last thing you need after a major tragedy like this is a phone call from a doddering old man who just wants to talk about how Rosie O’Donnell was mean to him a while ago.

That was my first thought, too! “He might do exactly what we’ve been saying we want. Can’t have that!”

Somewhere a presidential historian is wheezing into a paper bag right now

Slam Chowder

Hah! So I do. What the heck, maybe we can get a group discount.

Cats do a little delicate circle and flop down with a tiny sigh. They then transition into a substance with the density of a dying star, and you are locked in until they decide otherwise.

Perhaps it is time for a dog. Or drugs. Hey, maybe dog drugs!

I’m fine with him staying president the rest of his life. We’re still doing a transition of power January 2029. He can work the rest out on his own….maybe.

Issa was busy setting more buildings on fire

vance going to the vatican and the pope sending jeremy from human resources to meet with him is such a fucking dagger