Lesley!

None pizza left beef

Roses are red
Stem held between teeth
I ordered us takeout but it's

I love Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy Valentine’s Day Special

Panel 1: The Makeshift Man is reclining on a lawn chair reading a magazine about hairstyles. There's a radio sitting on top of a cooler next to his bottle of morning beer. Elvis is sitting on the ground grooming herself. The radio DJ is saying, "Comin' up in the next hour, we've got more of your total top hot hits on our black hearts' weekend countdown, only on your 92.9 FM, the MINX!!" and then it transitions to an ad: "This year, let her know that she belongs to you. Let her know with diamonds." Panel 2: The ad continues: "Don't forget, Valentine's Day is Saturday the 14th." Elvis looks up at this. Panel 3: Elvis stretches up on her hind legs to ask MM, "What is Valentine's Day?" Panel 4: MM's face screws up as he tries to remember. "It's, uh...There was this guy who got bumped off...because he got married...in a cave?" Panel 5: MM shrugs disinterestedly. "And now everyone has to celebrate by giving cards and presents and fancy dinners to someone that they're in love with." Elvis takes in this new information. "Oh," she says.

"My Funny Valentine". A Makeshift Man Valentine's Day comic from 2015. (1/5)

Oh patches sound fantastic, I’m going to look into this! Thank you!

Jess was telling me about RSO, which I will be attempting to get my hands on when I go to CA

Me at 20: I’ll have it all figured out by the time I’m 40.

Me at 40: wtf do you mean they rearranged the grocery store

Kid with his fist back to punch someone for saying they like ice

When I say I stand on business this what I mean.

They’re making a bot you can @ into any conversation about Gavin Newsom that will post examples of the horrific shit he’s done and it’s brilliant and I can’t wait to use it.

This company is so uniquely toxic and awful.

Also when I say I “don’t hurt” what I mean is “back to my base levels of chronic pain which I am used to and no longer consider pain at all”

it’s actually kinda metal to consider that I am in pain so constantly that it no longer registers as such until it gets really really bad

And while I love being baked for recreational purposes, I don’t think that should be a requirement to experience pain relief. So how do I get this kind of pain relief without getting baked as a Christmas ham, and how can I help other people do the same?

Weed is interesting because I just took a high dosage edible not for the purpose of getting high, but for the purpose of not hurting. So while granted, I did just figure out what a soul is and had a conversation where I heard God’s voice, I also don’t hurt.

Well this has ruined ugly jewelry for me

happy valentine’s day 💕💫

Headline, 14 February 2013: Majority of women find their partner irritating. I can’t link to the article, because the page is dead and wasn’t archived

Well, happy 13th birthday to this immaculately timed headline

maybe television was a mistake

*rubs temples*

As I've spent the better part of the day explaining why I don't think Newsom should be the Democratic nominee for president, it pains me to "defend" this, but...

The governor of California is legally obligated to proclaim each Feb 6 Reagan Day per a 2010 state law.

I tour principally so that I can sample the max number of vegan reubens worldwide (best one so far was in Denver)

A large ginger cat on the edge of the sink and a calico one behind him on the toilet back both with expectant looks on their face.

Human, where’s our spa time? Lift the tap already.

"We should learn to speak in a language that rich people who don't dream can't comprehend."

Branson Reese for poet laureate

HANG UP YOUR SCIMITAR, TODAY YOU WILL BATTLE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. AND YOU WILL WIN.

big feelings big feelings

this is an attack

Listen. In this house we stan Rebecca Black — a lioness, a goddess

𝙎𝙃𝙐𝙏 𝘿𝘼 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆 𝙐𝙋

asking the real questions

Will the Stabler figure have a conspicuously giant butt

it kind of smells a little like an attempt to get you to engage with the site again tbh. I wonder if I would have gotten one of those if I had my email notifications on for Twitter (I also just left it as it was)

Two things here:

1. you should absolutely still be scared of germs

2. this man does not speak for all of us who used to snort cocaine off of toilet seats, we do not claim whatever this is

I love you all!!