Geraldine Bonebed

keeping this screenshot locked and loaded for the next time an Austinite recommends Chuy's to me

Lmfao

"no more playing by the rules, it's time to enter my maverick era," I whisper to myself as I throw my hand-wash-only laundry into the machine

How many David Guetta tracks must I reject before Spotify stops putting them into my smart shuffle recommendations???

prop from Severance-ass dresser

“Haha can you believe McDonalds is doing a Squid Game promo” easily yes because capital subsumes all critiques of itself and no popular TV show or piece of art will ever threaten or unsettle it

what an ice-cold burn

Elon Musk, billionaire owner of Tesla, once belonged to a group of businessmen who played ruthless capitalists.

In the game, called "Monopoly," players aggressively pursue a plan of real estate domination, buying land and building homes and even hotels, while trying to avoid being sent to jail.

okay so maybe my marriage ending *was* my fault

someone who recently met me at a party described me to another person as "a sad girl with great tits going through a messy divorce" and I'm fighting the urge to make that my account bio

I don't really enjoy exorcism movies, but I do envy the backbend flexibility of the demon-possessed.

Went to the grocery store while feeling dehydrated and came back with at least $40 worth of cherries, mandarins, avocados, and mangos, like some kind of well-to-do flock of fruit bats disguised as a human.

*making small talk* "Ever had a tooth fly out of your mouth when you sneezed?"

I Will Not Look Back Fondly on This: A Memoir

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2024)

I know Duolingo is trying to make me feel bad, but honestly when I saw this face on my phone I thought, "wow relatable"

Following in Dorian Gray's footsteps but with the Duolingo app as my portrait in the attic.

Finally found a place in Houston with some Food Pizza

Whenever I read about the decline of the British aristocracy, I'm always amused by how they ended their era of true power while going by unserious names like Bingo and Dickie or Topsy and Flavinia.

before you get mad at clarence thomas maybe consider if you, too, would take bribes at your job if it were impossible to get in trouble

welp, the John Wick prequel series is dead to me

HOW is anyone still willing to work with that guy

I like to finish every workout by checking my fitbit app and whispering "tell me I did good"

me: I need a passport so I can go to australia

clerk: have you ever been convicted of a crime?

me: is... is that still necessary

Like I like my men

Holy crap gas is so expensive in Oregon. I'm having to spend twice what it'd cost to fill up a tank back home in Texas.

we need no longer live in fear