✨ captain furious ✨

there’s no way the pope isn’t responsible for that

“YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT HOCKEY ANYMORE”

yeah fam, you whined for years that my entire personality was about sports….of course I stopped talking about it

but also my team is stupid, and they make me mad

because I was at a fkn scrapbooking crop, and you would have just heard “omg I’m gonna throw up” for 4 hours straight

so instead I threw my phone in a box and made birthday cards while listening to the horde of cheeseheads in the room next to us for clues on how the game was going

what’s hilarious to me, is that there are people that are in my life that don’t know the sports version of me

and no I was not screaming crying throwing up publically in a jersey last night

BECAUSE I’M THAT SUPERSTITIOUS
and not because I don’t care

aurora over the city lights

You are under no obligation to mourn the death of people who would’ve celebrated yours.

these storms are wild

celebrating the Fourth of July by going back to where I came from ✌️✈️

White House sends Dr. Oz to calm Senate nerves Celebrity surgeon-turned-Trump official Mehmet Oz has emerged as chief salesman for the administration's Medicaid overhaul.

BREAKING: Snake oil salesman sells snake oil

“i asked chat gpt” “i asked grok” Jeeves would kill you where you stand

stan bowman staying the f away from the stanley cup is my current favorite development

When Trump finally dies there will be calls for civility and “respect for the office” from even his harshest critics and I’m telling you right now I plan on saying things so harsh they might knock the earth off its axis

As someone who lives in Los Angeles, don’t let social or mainstream media gaslight you into thinking there’s a violent uprising taking place here. The Trump administration is trying to punish this state and this city. He’s also setting a precedent to unleash troops on Democratic cities.

I implore people to think about what Memorial Day means, and then think about…this

I just gave Stanley his cytopoint injection at home, and he didn’t even notice it was happening. Amazing how much less stressful that was.

there has to be a better way to phrase a going out of business sale

Stanley’s allergies have been pretty bad recently, but I don’t want to take him in for his full visit (because he’s not really due), and he has to be sedated, and it costs $1k

so I called to ask my options, and they offered telehealth, so that they can prescribe them his annual spring meds

I just made a telehealth appointment for my dog, so that feels a little insane.

An excerpt of Deloitte’s marketing contract shows its $300,000 per month expenditure on reports on its own performance, $250,000 per month for community outreach, $478,000 Final Marketing and Outreach Campaign Report, and $10.7 million total budget.

After being hired to promote Georgia’s Medicaid work requirement program, Deloitte Consulting priced reports about its own marketing performance at $300,000 a month.

A final report, which was due in February, could cost the state nearly half a million.

➡️ Read the full story: propub.li/3YOiJ66

I want to fight whoever put the ring doorbell sound in the Wendy’s commercial.

picture of stormy skies over the north side of Chicago. with dark grey clouds on the right, and eerie orange light in the left.

ok it’s looking a little cataclysmic

I was promised storms, where are my storms.

booking flights back to the ex-country and dreading it, but at least I’ll be reunited with my beloved freddo cappuccino

This is The Last Supper now.

not my brain going: “can you imagine the traffic in this city if the pope comes here”

LIKE THAT’S A NORMAL THOUGHT TO HAVE

I am unapologetically telling you right now that Chicago is going to be insufferable about this, there is still a fading cardboard John Paul II in a Michigan Ave storefront looking out at Grant Park because he spoke there *once.*

I miss playoff hockey.

Pritzker: It’s time for us to be done with optimism about their motives. Time to stop wondering if you can trust the nuclear codes to people who don’t know how to organize a group chat. It’s time to stop ignoring the hypocrisy in wearing a big gold cross while announcing the defunding of children’s cancer research… Autistic kids and adults who are loving contributors to our society don’t deserve to be stigmatized by a weird nepo baby who once stashed a dead bear in his car. Our military service members don’t deserve to be told by a washed-up Fox TV commentator, who drank too much before being appointed Secretary of Defense, that they can’t serve their country simply because they are Black, gay, or a woman.

Dear god let this man cook.

Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker: "Never before in my life have I called for mass protests, for mobilization, for disruption. But I am now. These Republicans cannot know a moment of peace. They must understand that we will fight their cruelty with every megaphone and microphone that we have."

me at 9:30pm on a weekday (when I’ve been up since 5am): I’m gonna make a dozen candles that smell like the grand floridian lobby right now ✨