Timothy Malcolm

So many people in the thread don’t understand this.

Me:

- mayonnaise on american cheese
- mayonnaise on ritz crackers
- ridged potato chip crumbles on ice cream
- white rice fried with tuna and shredded cheese
- pasta in meat sauce with a dollop of mayo
- ramen with hot sauce and cheese

The bunt. The bunt. The bunt. The bunt. The bunt.

And the bunt. The stupid bunt. WHY DO YOU BUNT

I hate bunting. So so so stupid.

I don’t think they have the guy to say it.

Makes you wonder what that incredible Phillies hitting coach is doing in the dugout during these at bats. Keeps getting sonned against good pitching staffs.

Like the damn Mets series last year

Would be cool as shit if next time my 6-year-old was like “Hey Mommy, I learned a new song for violin!” she started playing “Ty Cobb” by Soundgarden.

Excited to hear about how the Phillies’ big offseason plan is once again to try to get the hitters to think differently

That was the Eagles’ first loss in 287 days. It’s nauseating.

iTs A fIvE gAmE sErIeS- man shut up have you watched this team the last couple years?

Just like last year. Same old Phillies.

Time to hit the toilet for some serious vomiting baby

Just set up the backup generator (beer cooler)

Phillies involved in three of the six here, and two of 'em ain't fun

I love that a team decided to formalize 9-9-9.

I love that the team is the Phillies.

I love that it’s a smaller beer because we should all be more careful.

I heard the beginning of “Ophelia” playing from our daughters’ bedroom at 6:30, rolled over and said “Hey there’s a song about Travis Kelce’s dick, so FYI.”

Listening to "Wood" again, which might be my favorite. It's ridiculously sexual. But she sounds so comfortable and happy with it. And yes it's going to make everyone think about Travis Kelce and his ... but look man, this song is pretty great.

After one listen:

Nothing really grabbed me by the neck here. "Opalite" feels like a big hit, but I don't put it up there with Taylor's best. This was enjoyable but lacking the big moments. The finale had me wanting a different album altogether. Call it 7.3/10. Good but not great.

12. The Life of a Showgirl

I love this. Why couldn't this kick off the album, and the rest expand from here? Storytelling, characters, drama ... this had it all! I want a full album that goes on from HERE! Sabrina is nice in all this. Just want this to be the start of more. Alas. 8.7/10

11. Honey

Rap Part II! We all know Mariah Carey has the greatest "Honey" of all-time. That one had hooks FOR DAYS. Is this the song that happens in the middle of all the shit in "Cruel Summer"? I like the bass! Kinda like the opener, I just won't remember this much. 6.7/10

10. CANCELLED!

Another title that feels silly now. This one takes me back several years -- "I like my whiskey sour" is not a line that a 35-year-old should be singing. We're WELL PAST that drink, Taylor. Too "spoooooooky" for its own good. She should be beyond this. 5.8/10

9. Wood

Instant early 80s vibes. Chucking disco guitar, in-the-pocket rhythm. ... OK, I like this. I like this a bit. It's like this album's "Paper Rings." Late in the album, ebbulent and weird and fun and doesn't care. Triple meanings! Anyway. I love this. 70s and 80s references. Great. 8.6/10

8. Wi$h Li$t

This title is annoying. The dollar signs rub me the wrong way. But OK, I kind of like Taylor deciding to do her version of a modern rap record. Slurring some syllables, playing over 808s. She sounds so outside of it but kind of makes it work without appropriating? I don't know. 7.8/10

7. Actually Romantic

Opening notes had me thinking of this badass track from a decade ago that nobody knows. Anyway, this is to Travis and probably inspired by Olivia. I do NOT like the drums on this album. They don't fit. But this is fun. I *love* when Taylor is coy and shows her ass a bit. 8.0/10

6. Ruin The Friendship

Taylor got around to M83. The Taylor version of a groove track. It just flows and that's nice. No big statements. Like the harmonies with herself. I'm not big on this rhythm track -- the drums sound Studio 101. Another Very Taylor Bridge. I do like how this floats. 7.4/10

5. Eldest Daughter

I think my biggest problem with Taylor is that she doesn't leave enough space for silence. I got "Songbird" vibes off this from the top, but then she comes in so wordy/rhythmic. Has to say EVERYTHING. The whole thing is too English major. There's a great song in here. Eh. 6.9/10

4. Father Figure

Really wished this was a George Michael cover. ANYWAY, I'm reading this as a track TO Sabrina ... or Olivia? I don't know the history. I like the vibe, the rhythms, the cloppiness. "I protect the family." "Turns out my dick's bigger." Taylor the final boss? Nice key change. 8.3/10

3. Opalite

Oh THIS is very Sabrina. She's just been listening to Sabrina. OK, this is a single. "Ah-whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!" I like the guitar. A cross between bonfire and 80s prom. "Life is a song, it ends when it ends" is good. Nice hook. Yeah, this could go No. 1. I'm a fan. 7.9/10

2. Elizabeth Taylor

Gotta wonder if she's comparing herself to Liz. Which ... I ain't getting into it. Not my place. Or wondering if she will BECOME Liz? A comment on her place in the entertainment world at large? Interesting lyric. I like the jazzy changes. Otherwise decent pop. 7.2/10