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I cleaned up dog piss with the pants I wanted to wear. Luckily it was a dream.

I’ve swallowed almost every piece of gum I’ve ever eaten. My little macroplastics.

Day number like 5,397 of wondering why the fuck people listen to turnstile

Hell yes

did they?

May the 4th be 20 you.

The who Dr who who cares

A bumper sticker if the “baby on board” was also the driver: “My other diaper is a Tesla.” Thank you.

I got canceled for not singing in a Kermit voice at karaoke.

San Fransisco is full of the hottest lesbians that know nothing about me.

Can you believe that we have been buying the internet on the internet for all these years?

I did an okay rendition of Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, but then KILLED a version of Possum Kingdom

Pabst blue foreskin

It’s unbelievable that I’m allowed to even feel like this for no reason other than a chemical imbalance.

😰

Hey, he can just be a melted ass. Leave soup out of this

cuck chaise lounge

a close up of a cartoon character with a big mouth ALT: a close up of a cartoon character with a big mouth

Check this out

2025 and people are still out there driving hummers, eh?

Pooped so much I’m nervous it’ll throw off my bowling game.

Someone steal my credit card!

青空　広がる　雲さえ
いつかは　ちぎれてゆくけ

Champagne supermustang in the sky

My guilty pleasure: impersonating a judge

Everywhere is just somewhere else.

I have less than six months to fix every problem ever.

Like father, like son

I think I actually prefer all of those grass starters to serperior, but I understand we have to deal with the relevance..