it's like the U.S. is throwing a giant measles party

I’m staying home tonight & practicing self care
*eats oreos soaked in vodka listening to Elvis Costello while my cat lays on my chest

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

Switched from iPhone to Android and shit is wild. The camera on my new phone is fun tho!

Developing news:

All major federal cabinet positions are now held by Hamilton Beach kitchen appliances.

Blender, the new secretary of defense, is proud to welcome Toaster as secretary of the interior.

I will! The first sip was weird but after a bit it tasted fine. I still stopped and got a coffee on the way to work 😂

Today I’m starting my morning with mushroom coffee. It’s an interesting flavor but interested to see how it impacts my gut health and mood 😆

He stole my reading chair 😂

All I want to do is make jokes and eat soup.

That's it.

And some of you are like YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED TO RUIN? JOKES AND SOUP.

Find some joy.
Elsewhere.
Far, far away from jokes and soup.
And me.

Himbs splootin

My dog was giving the side eye lol

Same 🫠

New to this app and figuring it out 🖤