Kato (He/Him) 🏳️‍⚧️

There should be some sort of CAPTCHA on DoorDash if your order screams “I’ve taken edibles”

The good news, my headache is mostly gone, the bad news is that the trade off was 5 hours of being absolutely incapacitated.

Stock photo of a handing a revolving toward the sky.

Live footage of what I’m going to do if the thunder wakes my niece up for a third time.

Charley, my only nephew (who happens to be a cat), has once again trapped himself on top of the kitchen cabinets. He is now peering down in regret while I inform him that I am not, in fact, a firefighter and that he’ll have to wait for rescue until my blood sugar comes back up. On the wall, a framed photo of his late cousin Ari—my cat, who had far more sense—watches over this foolishness, likely judging him from beyond.

I long to live in a world where only Charley suffers from the consequences of his own actions.

I do generally see myself as a positive person, but on Valentine’s Day 3 years ago I was putting a deposit down on a romantic getaway to a 5-star hotel for that October and today I ate tortilla chips over my sink, so I think I deserve a little bit of depressive disassociation as a treat.

A box of homemade Super Bowl-themed cupcakes, decorated to resemble footballs and a football field. Half of the cupcakes are frosted with chocolate icing and have white piped laces to mimic footballs. The other half are covered in bright green frosting, representing the field.

I phoned it in this time around with store bought frosting and box mixes, but I genuinely forget how much I enjoy baking. I’m still adjusting to having a kitchen that has an appropriate amount of space, but I’d like to find more time for baking now that things are getting less chaotic.

A bag of sunflower seeds on top of a bag of cashews with a post it on it that reads “Charlie Food”

We have a squirrel at our office who is hellbent on getting inside to make friends. To be clear, his inside friends feed him fancy snacks whenever they go outside, so I completely get it #RegularlyScheduledSquirrelSkeets

Digital Flyer: WITCHES BREW COFFEE PRESENTS The Singles Mingle Friday, February 14th 5pm-7pm

I so infrequently do anything outside of my comfort zone, but with Valentine’s Day falling on a Friday this year, I’m giving serious consideration to trying this because it’s so much harder to rizz ‘em with the ‘tism on apps.

Brutalist KFC r/brutalism

This dystopia brings out the most beautiful blue in your eyes.

After extending my trip by 5 days I am finally going home tomorrow. I am so grateful for all of the time I’ve had with my family, but I am so excited to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night that it’s almost embarrassing.

Kato wearing a waistcoat, necktie, and mask holding his new baby niece who is covered entirely by a burrito emoji.

My baby niece arrived this morning at 1:35am. 🖋️🌿 is absolutely perfect. The proud parents are chronically offline and have asked no identifying photos be posted of her, but I was told covering her with a burrito was fine.

Souvenirs from Boston including a plush Bigfoot, pink toddler sweater with an embroidered lobster, and a yellow onesie with a crab on it that reads “Born to Sparkle”

I met my grandmother in Boston for dinner last night and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to go in a little early to buy tacky touristy things for my nieces.

a boy wearing headphones is standing in a classroom Alt: GIF of Jimmy Pesto Jr. from Bob’s Burgers listening to headphones and slow dancing in the middle of a cafeteria.

Sometimes you just need to take 5 minutes of our your day to recenter and listen to the NeverEnding Story theme instead of sending a regretful email.

A photo of an empty hotel pool.

The last 9 days have been awful, but this almost makes it worth it.

Note for the upcoming holiday season,,, some of us are on a sobriety journey and mocktails or non-alcoholic beer options make a big difference 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Ways that I know time off is long overdue: I threw a, albeit justifiable, nutty and tipped over my bookcase.

I once had someone, whose opinion I valued highly, tell me that trans rights weren’t their concern because there were so many more important things to focus on. It’s why I’m not surprised by the abrupt shift, because some people will always see us as the reasonable sacrifice.

I wholeheartedly believe in never making fun of anyone’s appearance, but I’m also concerned with how much Matt Gaetz looks like he might be Fortune Feimster’s evil drag persona.

aw :( skeet skeet motherfucker. aw skeet skeet goddamn

Oh so Josh Allen slams his helmet down and he’s “passionate about the game”, but I do it and it’s “Kato, where the fuck did you get that football helmet from?”

Is this adult version of a Scholastic Book Fair?

I should be very clear, it is *very* funny. Each time I open the basement door and see the water stealing another stair away, it feels like if Gandalf’s reaction to “they have taken the bridge and second hall” was “well that will probably sort itself out.”

Because I am painfully incapable of letting people know when I’m being inconvenienced! I have a tower heater that, thankfully, is doing a great job. They still have no clue when they’ll be able to access my furnace 🤦🏻‍♂️

I cannot wait until maintenance shows up in the morning so I can be righteously indignant about their non-response to the indoor swimming pool in my basement.

A lilac colored crocheted plush of a sleeping baby dragon holding its tail.

One of my incredibly talented friends helped bring this crocheted baby dragon to life for a gift I’m making for my incoming baby niece and I’m just so happy.

www.etsy.com/shop/MyOnlyF...

I’m hoping that putting on ELO’s Mr. Blue Sky manifests a better end to this week, because between the flooded basement, lack of heat, and crippling headaches, I’m really holding tight to any positivity I can find.

Not that I don’t appreciate the love, but I’m *really* excited about pie.

My niece arrives in roughly 6 weeks and I’d always told my sister and BIL I would wear a suit to the hospital, but now I’m wondering if I have time to get a regency era tailcoat.

I told someone earlier today that I genuinely hadn’t expected to live this long to the tune of about 15 years, which should be really depressing, but there’s something freeing about deciding that none of this was remotely in the cards. I exist as an agent of chaotic good, and I intend to win.