The Velvet Hammer

blue work van “OH-KAY Plumbing & Heating” “Your flood control specialists”

Joe Pesci as Harry Lime

Daniel Stern as Marv Murchins

be advised: these men ARE NOT plumbing or flood control specialists.

if seen in your neighborhood, please do not approach the vehicle. contact us immediately.

To the last little line of dust left behind when I sweep and won’t get onto the dustbin no matter how hard I try what is your problem

Looking at you, pal

Me: This water is so good! You don’t understand, I’m from a city where the tap water tastes like it was poured out of a boot, but this? Really great, high quality stuff!
The hotel employee trying to maneuver around me to mop up a spill: Ma’am please let me go..

BITCH I SAID REPRESENTATIVE

Star Trek The Next Generation scene. This is one of those shots that happens after the opening theme music when the episode starts but the credits are still rolling over the scene. We're in Picard's ready room and see Picard at his desk sitting across from an older Starfleet guy. They're having a chat. Credit reads, "Executive Producer Rick Berman" and the dialogue closed caption reads, "Just an old man's fantasies."

I support my local tamale vendor

the way I see it, there's basically no reason not to move christmas to the end of january. thanksgiving stays where it is, december gets new year's eve, and we get all of january (currently very boring) to look forward to christmas. also I wouldn't have to drive 1000 miles in the span of four weeks

YouTube video by emlowz Existential Therapy - Sopranos: The Next Generation (Star Trek Sopranos crossover edit)

These videos are so good. Feels like the old web baby

Discovered @mst3kofficial.bsky.social has a forever-a-thon on YouTube thanks to @libbycudmore.bsky.social and now i know what is going to be on in the background for the foreseeable future 🤖

I’m afraid of what I might do if I have to hear Andy Reid say “bundleroosky” one more time

Looking through SCOTUS like

🔊 VOLUME UP 🔊

Enjoy This Beautiful Video Of Elephants Reuniting With Their Caretaker After 14 Months

Darrick Thompson, who is the Save Elephant Foundation Co-founder, can be seen standing in a shallow water body as the Elephants rush to greet and embrace him with their trunks.

🎦 Credit: ENP 🐘

Belgium’s sex workers win maternity pay and pension rights in world first Move by lawmakers hailed as ‘huge step forward’, ending legal discrimination against sex workers Belgian sex workers have gained the right to sick days, maternity pay and pension rights under the first law of its kind in the world. Lawmakers voted in…

Belgium’s sex workers win maternity pay and pension rights in world first

Do we do pet pictures here? If so here’s my cat laying on some of her favorite things: heating pad, election flyer, satchel, bag.

Teaching the capitalism worms in my head to quiet down by remaining fully horizontal for 90% of my day and spending zero dollars on anything, how are you guys doing today?

adding songs about loving your husband to her playlist before she gets out and seeing if she belts them out with the same conviction

My Life As a Homeless Man in America An extraordinary firsthand account.

"The police chased me out of the beach parking lot. Now Walmart. I’m running out of places to sleep, and to be."

"Isn’t that negation of our existence? We are here and we are you and we are yours."

A searing and essential piece of writing.

Forgot to include this!

Vincent D'Onofrio & @vincentdonofrio Pigs can't look up. But I could pick a pig up one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this pig ever so gentle. I can make sure this pigs eyes line up with the stars. Imagine seeing the stars 4the first time.l want 2b treated that kindly and see the stars for the first time.

I feel like this was the greatest celebrity post of all time because you initially want to make fun of it because we’re all irony poisoned jerks but the sheer scale of human compassion overwhelms it and you end up going yes Vincent I also want to help a pig see the stars for the first time

Oh absolutely yes! The vibes!

What’s your favorite Christmas song that isn’t really a Christmas song? Mine is Please Call Me, Baby by Tom Waits. It’s got the vibes.

ha ha what a fucken dork

If anyone at your family gathering says some obnoxious shit tomorrow, don’t just ignore it or roll your eyes. They’re counting on that. Tell them “that’s racist/homophobic/weird” and refuse to pass the cranberry sauce. Weaponize the rolls and unionize the younger kids. #resist