Astrid Ophelia

Whenever my bestie or I find a cursed meme or something gross we send it to each other. We call it "dropping a dead lizard" like a cat bringing you a "gift" 🤣

Such hard work being a puppy, all those naps must be so tiring #sleepypuppy #dogsofbluesky #puppy #happy

I hear yall like puppies over here. Welcome my newest son, Moose. #dogs #ratemydog #puppies #babydoggy

My insurance providers have decided that I only deserve to sleep 15 nights a month. I'm sure that's totally rational and healthy, because my doctor clearly doesn't know what she's talking about and the insurance people must be board certified doctors....right? #insurancefail

Apparently chainsaws have a warning on them to not try to stop the blade with your hands. At this point I think we should just take the warning labels off of everything and just let nature take over....

George Carlin was an absolute treasure. And he was right about everything.

Cool how about fatalist? Only planets facing a massive climate crisis are planets?

Men calling women "Females" while technically correct is just about the cringiest way to refer to women and I immediately lose trust and respect for men that do it. I'm not even sorry about it

I'm so sorry you have to suffer like that. My EDS is much less pronounced and I feel like it sucks really bad for me so I can't even fathom the pain and loss of life quality you deal with. Don't let dumbasses on the internet try to doctor Google you. #spooniesunite

Living in a dystopian nightmare is really killing the vibe. I fail to understand how this has gotten this far and this awful. If there is a God he's probably really really fucking disappointed right now. I know i am.

Picture shows a black dog in motion in a doorway

Life with dogs is funny. Here's an action snap of my dog realizing that I had opened up a snack. #dogs #snackthief #funny

On the 25th of this month I get to give a victim impact statement against the man who raped me. It's terrifying knowing I will be seeing his face after 15 years, but 14 year old me deserves to have her story told. #survivor #resilience #healing

My sweet Goober got a spa day yesterday. No more stinky pup. #dogs #cute #spaday #pets

Not to brag about being rich, but I just made a recipe that required an egg. #rich #eggprices #satire #broke

I don't know ow why, but I am *weirdly* competitive about mariokart despite the fact that I don't ever play with other actual people🤣

I've been fascinated by nuclear physics basically my whole life. But what will always baffle me is we master atomic detonation, and decide, fuck it, let's nuke the fucking moon. We obviously didn't do it but the fact that it was a thought...wow. #halflifehistories #atomic #nuclear

A text conversation between my husband and I about acquiring a squirrel and becoming a pirate

I take Ambien for sleep. Apparently Ambien Astrid wants to become a pirate with a pet squirrel named Sir Nutley. I have *zero* recollection of this conversation happening. 🤣 at least I didn't pull a Roseanne. Ambien does not make you racist, just weird 🤣 #ambien #insomnia #sleeptexting #weird

A L L H A I L T I N Y R A V I O L I S. that is all. Resume normal activites.

That is a fine looking pup you have there Gov. 💜

That's a weird way to say "I've been a major creepy my entire life" 😬

One of the funniest (though not ha-ha funny) parts about growing up in a dysfunctional family is how said family will see clear signs of how they fucked you up (i.e. startling at sudden movement)

And then go "why are you like that haha so weird". Who knows. A veritable mystery, truly.

Does it taste like chewing on a high voltage line? Moreover, is it working?

Does anyone know if Canada needs any weird cryptid creatures to roam the wilderness and be seen *just* enough to cause conspiracy theories but not enough to be confirmed to exist? If yes, where can I send my application?

Early morning trip with the pup. Such a good copilot 💜 #dogs #carrides

So what you're saying is i should wrap myself in tinfoil and sleep outside? It's kinda cold out but maybe the tinfoil will keep me warm until they come to get me 🤔

We're gonna have to duel. *i* wanted to be the cabbage selling wench. I'll let you pick the duel weapon though to make it fair.

A nice side by side. My mom's old work laptop, a compaq armada 1750, and my old work laptop, a Microsoft surface book. I'll give you one guess as to which of these still works 🤣

I never really thought about how important parallel play was to me, until this week. My dad's taking care of my sister's house while they're on vacation and I'm here at home. It's lonely without his presence and I wonder who misses him more, me or the dog.

I changed a car battery all by myself today in below zero weather. I'm proud of me for that.

I got grounded by mother nature. How you may ask? Well she decided that it was going to be close to -60⁰f wind chill last night and as a consequence my truck won't start. Guess I'm staying home 🤷🏻‍♀️