Alyssa 🌱

Elon Musk is a terrible president.

Alexa play “Angel by Sarah McLachlan” 🎶🪦💐🎶

“Sleep tight”?
You mean, like, rigor mortis?

I know it’s Thanksgiving but please for the love of god don’t open my emotional support kitchen drawer full of twist ties and paper bits 😩

I. JUST. WANT. THE. RECIPE. I. DON'T. WANT. FOUR. PAGES. OF. STORY. ABOUT. HOW. THIS. WAS. YOUR. AUNT. LINDA'S. FAVORITE. DISH. ON. WINTER. ESCAPES. TO. THE. MOUNTAINS.

despite my best efforts i regret to say i am once again awake and working

Like what in the offshore account pyramid scheme is going on here Tom!? 😡

If Tom Nook has one thing, it’s the fucking audacity

*trump announcing another member of his cabinet*

i would describe my personality as a golden retriever with rabies

I really feel like a lot of our problems would be fixed if world leaders just got into cage matches with each other instead of starting wars

elmo from sesame street is making a funny face while sitting on a table . ALT: elmo from sesame street is making a funny face while sitting on a table .

Visual representation of me fighting off the feminine urge to bite men at work

You know I think we could gaslight trump into thinking the electoral college is a part of the department of education

“What radicalized you?” Bro I was told to treat people the way I would want to be treated in kindergarten and it made sense idk what else there is to say

a woman peeking over a roof with swifter pics written on the bottom right ALT: a woman peeking over a roof with swifter pics written on the bottom right

That’s me, hi 👋 ✨

my friends: *getting married and having children*

me: *playing animal crossing on my Nintendo switch* did I drink any water at all today?

the way my neighbor’s tiny dogs are barking is unaligning my chakras

being an adult is just an endless loop of sweeping your coveted hardwood floors and trying to remember to take your antidepressants

a woman behind bars with the words " i 'm not supposed to " on the bottom ALT: a woman behind bars with the words " i 'm not supposed to " on the bottom

Algorithm... babes, I know I said one of my interests was books, but I meant like serial killers, mafia men, slutty cowboys, and monster smut —not Little Women and Weathering Heights 🥲

Coming to Bluesky feels like a bunch of people finding themselves ashore after a shipwreck.

Anybody seen Tom? What about Julia? Last I saw her, she was shitposting from the quarterdeck, did she make it?