Nicholas Wallace

Usha Vance didn’t like her husband suggesting she needed to be fixed. She made him sleep on the couch but for some reason that didn’t work.

Your post made me laugh out loud 🫡

WHOOP

Someone should make a series of movies about a group of 11-13 hot thieves breaking into some of the most secure places on earth

How’d we do?

“From Dexter to Dearborn Heights” is such an odd geographic range. Mam you’ve just covered 3% of the state

The courts every time it looks like a Trump official is going to face one (1) Consequence

apologies for making an English Premier League joke which approximately nobody will get

They're calling it the Nottingham Forest of campaigns

Just submitted my ballot for Andrew Cuomo at my polling place (the suggestions box at a Golden Corral in Pembroke Pines, Florida)

might be one of the funniest videos i’ve ever seen

Turns out most people don't really like being invaded

A pumpkin that says Fuck ICE

Decorative gourd season in Chicago (yes the second word is ICE)

Trying to think of the right way to ask this. Does President Trump plan to have balls? No that’s not it. Does he plan to hold balls? No, not that either. Does he plan to use the Epstein Ballroom for the thing the name implies it will be used for? Ah wait

I made a flag in my head.

Why does everyone keep calling it “The Epstein Ballroom?” Please stop repeating “The Epstein Ballroom” because it is not called “The Epstein Ballroom!” Don’t tell the news that it’s called “The Epstein Ballroom” and please don’t repost this!!!!!

Under the unitary executive theory, the president can order the treasury to give him all the gold in Fort Knox

The were a co-host of the event. The other organization hosting the event invited me and *didn't tell me FedSoc was a cohost*.

The Platner thing shows the importance of one of my most strongly-held beliefs: political debates should be conducted in the nude

Just got tricked into doing a FedSoc event. And I was on zoom so I didn’t even get any free lunch

The average american millennial man has been a bitch, a lover, a child, a mother, a sinner, and a saint

Croatia is not a “tattoo drunk” kind of country, by the way. It’s a “late afternoon nap after finishing a bottle of wine with lunch while gazing out over the Mediterranean” kind of country. Yes I visited in my 30s why do you ask

Not sure how Platner planned to keep his tattoo hidden from the other candidates. They would have seen it eventually in the locker room before the debates

The president of the Maine senate is a lifelong Mainer who owns a brewery. And seems very likeable. Probably told to wait her turn

Good morning. Did any newspaper have the decency to print TRUMP DEMOLISHES WHITE HOUSE as their lead headline today?

The White White East Wing has a big gaping hole.

the year is 2030. the white house remains half demolished because president trump refused to pay construction workers and musk gutted government spending. two thieves sneak into the white house using a truck mounted ladder and steal the constitution

The East Wing of the White House is a two-story structure built to serve as office space for the first lady and her staff, including the White House social secretary, White House Graphics and Calligraphy Office and correspondence staff.

Melania

A picture of a man in a suit at a desk. This is Jackie Chiles, the attorney from Seinfeld

“It’s supposition, conjecture, fabrication, propaganda!”

Can’t read that first sentence without thinking of Jackie Chiles

me: [proposing to my girlfriend in front of the Eiffel Tower] yes or no answer quickly. and don’t worry about all those sirens

her: my god that’s a beautiful ring.