John Attridge

Uhhhh actually the assumption that the trolley itself does not have agency is super problematic

You should be allowed to read an Isaac Chotiner article behind a paywall if your schadenfreude is pure enough

Actually Frankenstein is the name of the doctor. The monster is called "allegory for the emergent industrial working class as a reservoir of latent revolutionary violence"

Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. What happened next will shock you

Me teaching: it is essential to plan your essay

Me writing: the white hot flame of inspiration needs no outline

"No spoilers please" your enjoyment of a novel should be dependent on form alone. Grow up

Yes

Wow ok unfollowing now. I loved him as a loyal butler, did not know he was an unreliable narrator

Classic literature has no relevance to contemporary readers. Even novels published last month are full of outmoded conventions. Only fiction that is written literally right this instant can capture the zeitgeist of the present moment

Not many people know that the gen z slang "unc" is actually an allusion to Evelyn Waugh's Sword of Honour trilogy, where the protagonist Guy Crouchback is humorously addressed as "uncle" by the younger members of his battalion

Why are you as a man using more than two sentences per novel

Yes

Many scholars have connected this text with other things. But the connection I am going to make in this paper will shock you

Instead of competing for limited resources, other humanities disciplines should accept that they are all essentially branches of literary criticism

Literary prizes are a cheap distraction from the true purpose of reading great books, which is making people who haven't read them feel bad about themselves

I can't keep silent any longer. Godot should NOT have kept them waiting like that

Sorry I'm late. I unconsciously don't want to be here

Writers are too precious about not repeating the same word in successive sentences. It is actually fine to employ identical terms in consecutive grammatical units

By having AI summarise the plots of Shakespeare's tragedies I can experience catharsis in a matter of minutes

Little did you know I have been playing 3 dimensional chess this whole time. That's why I have been making such bad decisions. I was distracted by this stupid game I'm playing

Good evening. It may surprise you to know that I am speaking "prose" right now. (Audience murmurs) in fact, you already know how to speak prose yourself! (Audience gasps) over the next hour, we will unlock the secrets of this mysterious medium together (audience applauds)

Academics are constantly overexplaining things. They excessively explicate every item of information

"Write what you know" uhhhh that's actually incredibly insensitive towards people who have had no life experiences

The essays in this collection have been carefully selected to provide a cohesive overview of the topic

(sitting down at a restaurant with the biggest copy of Infinite Jest you have ever seen) what wine pairs best with an epic postmodern masterpiece?

Readers have long been frustrated by Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken". Thanks to AI, it is now possible to explore BOTH of the paths described by the speaker

I would just like to push back slightly on your hypothesis that our recent date did not "go well"

Humanities academics tend to think that the best way of critiquing something is to provide a genealogy of it. To combat this phenomenon, we must understand its roots

So Austin-tatious.

Reading performatively (reading aloud in such a way that my utterances bring about the states of affairs they refer to)