Willgoose

Have you ever wondered why you are not sex withing anyone?

I think you’ve confused real life with playing monopoly

The landlord fly tips used cooking oil into a nearby sarlac pit rather than paying Mos Eisley parish council for proper waste disposal

An illegal stream of the pod racing on the telly and a bloke who could sell you a Hoth Wampa in the beer garden

I’m guessing this was written by a bloke with bum fluff moustache and a beanie hat who if they went into the English equivalent of the Mos Eisley cantina would have the living shit kicked out of him

This year I’ve gone the extra mile and found out in advance what they really like. It’s was very simple really, all I had to do is watch them at night from their garden for 3 weeks and note down what they are watching on tv. Instant conversation. Ladies will love my commitment

A halford gift card for an MOT.

I still don’t understand why my wife was so angry. Flowers last a week at most, an MOT is for a whole year

Someone with indirect links to Epstein

Whilst I’ve never seen Rocky as my mother won’t let me watch films with swears in them, I have googled it and from first impressions I would have assumed he is a civil engineer. In this photogram hes literally building the roof of that building which I’m guessing is Buckingham Palace

The BBC snowboarding Winter Olympics commentators are making this unwatchable. Please remember the vast majority of the audience have no idea what a 17500 flipflop wicky wacky woo with a reverse Dog Star is. Maybe, just maybe explain what the hell you are in about?

Congratulations, you’ve just turned a war into a global nuclear war

I still maintain the Winter Olympics should have the same events as the summer games but on ice and snow. Ice tennis and the 100m running down a ski slope would be hilarious

So it’s now Mrs Buckley, Mrs Jenkins and Mrs Thompson who are all coming forward as short changing victims of @sirmichael.bsky.social?

I heard that just this week Mrs Jenkins did her now weekly stock check and was down two Valentine’s Day themed scratch cards. I’m not accusing anyone but it is a coincidence that Sir Michael claims to have two girlfriends or at least two girls that he has ki*sed

Mrs Jenkins, who buys her provisions from the village shop, has met @sirmichael.bsky.social many times and has to count her change twice as a result

A temu advert for what can on be described as SS trench coats

Wow Temu, you’ve really captured the mood of the nation

Actually scratch that. The problem I’ve got with snowboarding is the fucking commentators. Woah a backside-flipside-wicky-wocky-woo with a crackdraw over end plusing 1795!

The problem I’ve got with the Olympic snowboarding is they’ve all done it before. I want to see some teenager from Kettering go over the jump having never snowboarded.

Hmmm. It depends on the person who pushed it. I’ll often stop and look them up and down and think “that person doesn’t look like a button pusher to me, no way have they given it the commitment it needs. I’m going to press it myself” but by then the lights have gone red again

I think you should have included some reference to JFK in the biography after all it is a huge airport hub so it’s more than likely Lee would’ve travelled through there at some point. Perhaps he used JFK on one of his regular holidays to his caravan in Rhyl?

It could be worse, they could get a bunch of comedians to do a UK version of Saturday Night Live

Just watched the amazing Ballad of Wallis island written and starring by Tim Key and Tom Basden. An hour and a half of joy. Such a great film

I didn’t see it but let me guess, a couple in their 50s are interested in buying a property in Spain. They view 3 properties, 1 of which exactly matches their specification. They decide not to put any offers in but say it’s has given them lots of food for thought?

I think you have completely missed the point of the show. I find it life affirming rather than depressing

Meta AI isn’t the brightest spark is it?

Having had a quick look in google maps at what is nearby I have found two attractions that would occupy my time. Who could resist a trip to Mike’s cottage followed by a session at the distillery?

My 10yo daughter told us tonight that “67 was brainrotted the last minute of 25”. We asked her to explain what the hell this meant and she cleared it up with “sharky is 67 is brainrotted. What don’t you understand?”

My wife would commit an horrific act of violence against me if I bought her that. I’d deserve it too

No one can say Rory and Alastair aren’t in touch with what kids are into these days. Except on the street they call it Baag Pipezz