Pam

Michael, do you have to use a computerised till when you work at The Village Shop? If you do, and there's no numbers on it, there's no way you can be held responsible for The Unfortunate Incident Of The Overcharging Of Mrs Buckley. You are fully exonerated.

Together, doubles?

We can't see the back. Maybe it's a dual purpose snowman and multi story igloo?

Ryan is still competing for USA though, and Steven for GB, right?

It's understandable you don't want to compete against these giants, Michael. Rumour has it they each have a pair of ice skates and average sized nipples. You'd look like a dork competing against them.

[PRIVATE MESSAGE TO MICHAEL: Hi hun, me again. Please ignore any messages from Andrew Heenan. He is an unscrupulous journalist looking to cash in on destroying my good name. I am definitely a top notch movie producing bigwig]

[DM to Andrew Heenan: back off and I'll cut you in on the deal?]

[PRIVATE MESSAGE to Michael: Hi Michael, I'm secretly a Hollywood bigwig and I've just read your message. I'm very interested in making your movie, with one proviso: once it's been produced you write a prequel about the inventor of the barcode, called The Inventor of The Barcode. Do we have a deal?]

Understandable. She's probably very busy.

If I've remembered correctly, didn't you have a girlfriend once? I'm sure you told us you did. You're definitely more of an expert than Michael.

Anything. Everything. Whatever you know. Even if it's not much.

[DM to Steven: you do realise that because you almost found the girlfriend village once you're the Village Stud Muffin, don't you?]

I think the answer is in the words <claimed> and <k*ssings>

Maybe it's time for @slacko.bsky.social to explain a few things to you, Michael?

Throwing M&Ms at each other across the supermarket carpark sounds like the kind of flirty "notice me, please notice me" thing that people* do when they're desperate for a date but too shy to ask. Do you use peanut M&Ms or regular ones, Michael?

*virgins

YouTube video by Marsh Family "Peter Mandelson" - Marsh Family parody of "Mrs Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkel on Epstein Files

Youtube saw fit to show me this, and I liked it so much I'm showing it to you all too.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h870...

Thanks for the earworm. I'll be singing it for the rest of the day!

[DM to Leah: you're a saint, just like Mammy herself]

[DM to Leah: maybe it's him that's matured as a person and the quality of his webpostings has <finally> improved?]

I thought Rocky was a squirrel, best friends with Bullw*nkle? I'm not sure he was a boxer at all, Michael.

She can't. The files would show that every time Mrs Buckley asks for a 1/4lb of loose cough sweets she is only given 100g, but she's always charged for the full 1/4lb.

Damn it. I knew that.

This feels so like something Mr Nimmo should cover in his book.

And spoil all this fun?

Mrs Jenkins is there too! It's her shop. She has to double check the change in the till every time Michael serves a customer.

VT, I never said you hadn't met Michael, but I'm pretty sure you haven't met Neil. Unless we've met both we can't compare. It's like comparing cabbage and cauliflower when you've only tried one.

People have been thrown out of Village Church for much less!

Unless you've met both of them you can't possibly make this claim. I've only met one of them so I'm not qualified to discuss.

Are you suggesting they haven't done k*ssings with Michael?

But Michael, Neil is a good man (I know this. I've met him) and his word is right through his book.

You stay away from the Girlfriend Village, Neil. It's a whole level of corruption that you don't need.

I think you were right to leave the assassination of JFK out of your book, Michael. Your book isn't about JFK so any attempt to include him would be clumsy shoe-horning. Your readers deserve better. I admire you for your integrity.