The Pumpkin Dipshit

Carmen Sandiego, Chuck Yeager's Advanced Flight Trainer, and Greg Norman Ultimate Challenge Golf.

And no joystick for the flight sim so playing it meant starting in midair, spinning out of control, crashing like ten seconds later, and then getting made fun of by Chuck Yeager

A very old computer

We talking my computer or first parents' computer I played games on because if it's the latter we're dealing with a Vendex Head Start III

See I figured it represented three different partners reaching an age at which he lost interest

I mean I assume that must be where "I wish it was real" and "you could make a religion out of this" is coming from. Be pretty funny if he was like "evangelion is so cool, I wish depressed teenagers having nervous breakdowns were real"

Sounds like Wes Anderson: Human Instrumentality Supporter

Baby Nazi complains that his fellow Nazis are now too obviously stupid for him to couch his politics in elitism

They relaunched mr pibb to great fanfare and I gotta say I don't think I could tell the new pibb zero apart from diet Dr pepper in a taste test so if that's what success looks like good job I guess

Pudding part is true

Just sorta thinking about how "chicken fried chicken" isn't the same dish as "fried chicken" and is in fact named after a steak dish.

That's almost interesting

most people I know reach a point where the ratio of coffee betterness to effort spent reverts all the way back to pre-ground beans and a drip machine, eventually.

Eventually we just want low-effort bean broth.

might take decades, but... Eventually.

the key when you're kicking is to lean WAAAAY back so you don't lose your balance when you whiff and miss the other guy completely

has anyone else noticed that food tasted better in the past? it was mushy and easy to eat. and the spoon would come at you like an airplane

Gonna tell my kid this is Rael

Oh yeah there's millions of them who think they're anti-racist because their opinion is "if you do your very best to pretend to be white and assimilate into white society and accept that 2nd class is pretty good as long as we're all nice about it and instantly forgive any slurs I say, I'll let you"

That's right

There isn't a single person who wants woke 2 who doesn't want Bobby to get the wall. Pearl clutching about how she has consequences but he doesn't should just motivate people to make sure he does someday, not to let her off the hook just because he has impunity.

Let's be real, though, skip:

Conservative parents aren't actually empathizing with their children.

They just think "deepfake pornography of my children reflects badly on me personally"

screwball flag from Daffy Duck's ass, Duck Amuck (1953)

if THIS FLAG OFFENDS YOU
I'LL HELP YOU PACK

charlie brown would just fall to the dark side, he doesn't have what it takes.

"0.05% of market forgot to cancel their contracts" wowe

Gotta find somebody committed enough to the bit to bring out a real xylophone for Girls

It seems like not that long ago "40-something obsessed with making her kid have more sex" would have got the "sicko" treatment from nypost

Unfortunately for the rest of the world, America is throwing the world cup that America deserves 🤮

Hi, we're Silicon Valley- you probably recognize us from classic inventions like 'Chatbot That Drives You Crazy', 'The App That Gives You An Eating Disorder', 'A Bus, Except Worse', and 'Doorbell That Reports Directly to the NSA'

With people like Jeffries in charge there isn't really any hope we'll even roll back the damage to vaccination and food safety.

They'll pay lip service to fixing it then hem and haw about how to pay for fixing it until they're back out of power

Freedomest country in da world bay beeee

Freedom of speech is when pamphlets can be illegal because they advocate politics that the regime doesn't like

World of Warcraft brain. "I filled in all the check boxes on my quest?? But I was not awarded a woman????? MODS?????"-ass loser

this is productivity now. this is the fourth or fifth or seventh industrial revolution.

Correction: here not-me is, not-signing the thing, because it's fake