big al

This Alcoholic Mother Is Giving Her Newborn Autism The Old Fashioned Way

I Took Dr Fauci’s Vaccine; Now I’m Polyamorous and Love Black Country New Road

bryce dallas howard should be the name of a baseball player from the 70s, and instead it’s the name of one of the most beautiful women i’ve ever seen

i’m capitalizing on the cracker barrel controversy by opening a restaurant called “Honkey’s”

the government is spending fifty trillion dollars on a surveillance system to watch me scratch my balls and sniff it

I would never abuse substances. I love them too much

Mickey Mouse Found Dead After Speaking Ill Of Israel

Lost My Vape In Ikea, What I Did Next Will Shock You

i am not allowed to work

i’ve never been in the military but i’ve had a few dishonorable discharges

my dad is serving life in prison for committing to the bit

mozart did some cool shit but he never wrote mo bamba

why do we goon, master wayne?

*guy who has never used a stationary bike*: why the FUCK aren’t i going anywhere??

i lost a hundred drafts when i deleted twitter

i invented “riffing” on “bits”

shitting!! from my ass!!
shitting!! from my ass??
shitting?? from my ass??