Sam Burns

I tied a tie today for the first time since 1996 (when my school uniform days ended) and I remembered how, so go me.

When I was a small child, I found the countertenors in the KIng's Singers rather scary, but as an adult I love them for being an ethereal window into the 17th century.

Why does everyone need to go to the bathroom (next to my bedroom) during my weekly 45-minute video therapy session and then linger outside my door?

Got my first ever non-EU, non-burgandy-coloured passport today, and I do not like it.

I'm not enthusiastic enough for 10, but I have very fond childhood memories of Lost Valley of the Dinosaurs.

I spent much of the preliminary interview suppressing the urge to say you won't interfere with the basic rugged concept of me personality, will you, Madam?

I've just started CBT for anxiety after a seven-month wait and my current anxiety is mostly centred on CBT.

Yes, though that was repaired a couple of weeks ago and for unknown reasons my household and several others were only reconnected today....

Hello Internet! I've finally been reconnected after a tedious five weeks and three days!

I went to Ireland quite successfully.

I was genuinely relieved to scan my memory and realise I'd been calling him Joseph rather than Josh.

Oh God, that.

I'm the only person in Edinburgh Airport who knows where they're going and is keen to get there. Everyone else is turning in vague circles, humming distractedly, in the middle of all the walkways I need to use.

I dreamt that the Bradley Whitford commander from The Handmaid's Tale moved in next door to me and he was a really good neighbour and I woke up feeling strange.

RIP Maru, the bestest cat on the internet.

Top Girls?

Travelling from Galway to Dublin by train next month. The internet tells me that 'the journey is efficient and offers views of green fields and bogland'. I find this strangely charming.

I caught up on Taskmaster and the two old men are definitely my early favourites, not least because they remind me of Barry and Humph. THE VISITORS HAVE BEEN.

My dad's got a cold so soundtrack-wise it's basically like living in a zombie apocalypse.

I wish that headline about zoo staff wanking off an orca would stop sidling past my field of vision every time time I scroll through the news.

Channel 5 revives BBC’s Play for Today to ‘help shape future of British drama’ Series aims to follow original in tackling ‘thornier issues’, and to support talent from lower-income backgrounds

Promising news until I ran into that word 'young', forever confused in commissioning circles as a synonym for 'new'.

I wish I could do something with my Saturdays other than desperately fighting all day to keep my eyelids open.

I might need to time travel back to the eighties though, they seem quite hard to come by now.

I think I want to purchase a three-piece suit.

Back online after 12 days without internet thanks to a fishing boat trawling up a cable near Orkney.

There's an endless cycle of Man About The House on the telly and I'm not very happy about it.

Something's broken under the sink and is spewing out water and the stopcock is jammed, so I guess we just live the aquatic life from now on.

Back to work on Monday after three weeks off.

Any idea how we could stop Monday from happening?

Time for Loyd Grossman to shine again.

It's raining on my washing and I lack the motivation to act.