Jack!

I can only ever hope to be as cool as Rhian Teasdale. See Wet Leg live, if you haven't already.

Me watching Scooby-Doo (2002) as a kid: haha shaggy and scooby are farting and the park is scary!

Me watching it as an adult: Jesus Christ, was it illegal for the women to wear bras on set or something?

Microdosing panic attacks by chewing on jolly ranchers until my jaw is fused shut for 2 minutes.

YouTube video by GroundSwellMusic Jack! Mix #18 | 2.5 HOUR HOUSE MUSIC MIX

Hey! I make dj mixes sometimes. Give it a like and subscribe!

The biggest victim of the fall of frozen yogurt has to have been the 1 person alive who liked ice-cold, rock solid gummy bears as a topping.

Hey so did anyone ever question why the DeLorean in back to the future comes back the first time covered in ice, but after that the ice thing never comes back up?

If someone was really hyping up a New York style Pizza and this is the slice I end up getting, I'm pressing charges

When I went to school the next day all the kids started calling me hammer-head.

When I was 9 my rich uncle from Florida came to visit. He shaved my forehead flat with a straight razor and a two-by-four.

We're there any smosh videos/series that you were really hyped about that didnt work out? And were there any that surprised you with how well they did?

Trying to come up with a good enough argument to convince someone J.R.R. Tolkien invented the phrase "Dap me up, playa"

...is what I would say if I was a fuckin' NERD.

For real though, I hated every second of homework I've ever done and never once felt like it improved my education. I 100% believe it is a scam.

It's been 4 years since I graduated, and honestly, in retrospect? You really learn to miss the structure and mental exercise you get from doing homework assignments.

Do you think redneck trans men use truck nuts for their packers?

Chicago #Pope: Thursdays at 8 on NBC

Tate McRib

Hard to believe target is struggling so badly, I mean who can resist their charming line of "fuck off kiddo, mommy's getting hammered" wine glasses

I once got a DeWalt ad when telling someone I was pansexual and now they think I'm attracted to power tools.

I'm so poor I have to get LGBTQ+ with ads.

Old timey slur

I don't know why people are complaining about the #tarriffs screwing up their investments. I've invested all my savings into Bindle Sticks and Barrels With Suspender Straps, and my portfolio is crushing it.

What's up, youtube! Today, I'm gonna take you through my entire nighttime poutine!

[Remainder of video is 15 minutes of me eating fries and gravy.]

Buying a Model T and putting a "bought this before Ford was a Nazi" bumper sticker on it

Last time that happened to me, I had covid. Might be worth getting a test.

TIL "trauma dumping" isn't a slang term for particularly upsetting bowel movements

Going on cute animal subreddits and commenting "Rent. Free. 🤣🤣🤣" on every post with a ferret in it.

Scooby-Doo ass sangwich

"Veggie" is short for Veginald

There's no ring on the left hand, therefore it doesn't count! You're safe another day