Valerie Ettenhofer

I always thought spit takes were not something people could do on accident, but now I know they can. The recipe is surprise Olyphant + mouth full of water + startled gasp and laugh + realizing the water is still in your mouth a half-second too late.

I either forgot or didn't know Timothy Olyphant was in Alien: Earth and I just did a full-blown, across-the-room spit take when he popped up in a promo. Real cartoon shit.

Had a nightmare that The Pitt season 2 wasn't in real time and featured Dana snorting a full brick of cocaine, so I'm very happy to wake up to this Emmy news.

found it! The Scream by John Skipp and Craig Spector

Perfect. They really are Grant and Malcolm.

YouTube video by FallOutBoyVEVO Fall Out Boy - Fourth Of July (Audio)

🎆 youtu.be/1j4Pf228vhE?...

Happy best and gayest Fall Out Boy song day to all who celebrate

🫡 I'll keep ya posted!

cc @fakerobhunter.bsky.social 👀

Calling all splatterpunk slasher freaks and paperback from hell experts! A friend is trying to find a book he read approximately 20 years ago that featured a mid-BJ eye gouge, a random Godzilla simile during sex, and a deadly house party. Possible black and red cover. Anyone?

Not "8 ICE agents," 8 unidentified masked men. Unless and until they provide official identification, it's fair to assume that they are imposters.

Brownshirt ICE rolled up to my local Home Depot today and got the F-off treatment.

Shoutout to this woman because this is exactly how it’s done. No badge, face covered = F*ck all the way off.

📌 It’s on us citizens to stand up for our vulnerable brothers and sisters.

Nyt thing A list of 25 films compiled on Letterboxd, including Parasite (2019), A Ghost Story (2017), Y Tu Mamá También (2001), Minding the Gap (2018) and Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018).

A quick first pass at 3am: boxd.it/IcadU

I'll do a real ballot tomorrow...on Letterboxd.

A ballot for the 10 best movies of the 21st century so far, submitted for the New York Times' reader poll, made exclusively of movies about trans people and Palestinian people.

New York Times haters have more fun.

Did not have "Australian mushroom poisoning case actually has tons of reasonable doubt" on my 2025 bingo card, but here we are. The defense did a great job.

[This post is brought to you by me listening to dozens of hours of court reporting while waiting to see if our dog would be okay this week]

A black and white photo of a trans woman injectioning herself with estrogen

Stick yourself.

Stick up for your trans friends.

lotta people don't want to buy polite Fox News in newsprint form

Now that I've finished the season, I can safely say: Emmy, please.

It sucks so bad!! We had it all and we didn't even know!

The fluffy back of lola as she lays on my lap on the couch next to a stack of treats

She's finally home and she's doing so much better! She ate some tiny treats and bits of meat and just had her first biiiiiig drink. She's so happy to be home and perked up more than she had in days the second we came through the door. She's back to her natural state (snoozing) now.

No one told me how good Matt Bomer's Rose Nylund is in Mid-Century Modern. I'm kind of obsessed.

I use a sobriety app that features community posts, and the tech section is almost entirely made up of lonely teenagers talking about how much they miss their AI boyfriends. It also makes me think of the PEN15 episodes about the girls getting obsessed with fake paganism and message board sexting.

I think it's pretty telling that these examples remind me of when my friends and I used to treat super-active spirit boards as our own personal magic 8 balls as teenagers. I can't imagine a world where this doesn't fuck an entire generation of young folks up for decades to come.

It's taking a while for Lola's pain to get under control and she's being her typical picky eater self, so she's not coming home today. It should be tomorrow...I really hope it's tomorrow. It's hard to eat and sleep and work and think when we can't hear her little paws cutting about in the next room.

He's sooooo good and so hot in it.

Nothing I hated more than I worked in practice than a closed pyo. Spay and neuter your pets, guys.

Thank you so much! 🥹

Scrungy lola getting head pets from James while laying in the nook of the couch

Lola sleeping on the edge of that couch while also somehow splayed across James' lap

Lola sitting on my back while i napped on said couch

Lola sitting up on the edge of the couch like a guy watching the big game

We've seen the vet for heat cycles before and did a scan last month that was clean. We think the pyo started Thursday. If you have an older, unfixed girl dog who's not eating + is drinking more than usual, get her seen ASAP. Love you, Lola. Your favorite spot on the couch is waiting for you.

Sleepy Lola on facetime with the fam at the vet

Lola's little fluffy paw with an IV band around it

It was a brutal 24 hours, but she's stable and recovering from a successful surgery. The surgeons and staff, who have been incredible, have called her "a rockstar" and "so chill." We had to make a whole lot of worst-case decisions in a short amount of time, but we're hopeful she'll be home tomorrow.