bajingo megadoodoo

[the teenager scooping my coffee ice cream at the movie theater after i conversationally said i was worried it would keep me up all night like an old lady]: “it only has one milligram of caffeine per scoop”

happy birthday peaches

what it stanley tucci suddenly showed up with a turkish hair transplant and started documenting his healing progress on tiktok can you imagine

happy hump day to the haters and the losers 🐫

Alex on twitter writes: "Someone on Twitter writes: "You’re a menswear writer. You don’t know anything about manufacturing in America, or steel mills, or metallurgy, or CNC machining, or how anything is produced from raw material into a finished product in this country or anywhere. Stick to writing about “men’s fashion."" I reply: "i actually had a career in knifemaking before this. the reason why you can't avoid tariffs in knifemaking is because everyone relies on Gobelin machinery. are you aware of this?" Alex replies: "Gobelin machinery? What exactly are you referring to?" I reply: "you Gobelin DEEZ NUTS!"

"stick to menswear"

richard e. grant is made to play a rich dick

if youre gonna go to fringe shows and give them zero star reviews you should at least use your real name and not some cutesy shit like "fringe girlie." it makes it too hard to talk badly about you in my group chats!!!

disturbed to see that the back of the tru fru bag says to thaw them for 15 minutes first. horrific, offensive, disgusting.

what if a human gave birth to one of those really shiny baby hippos, would people find that strange? to me they look like human babies. they let anyone have a phone these days, you don’t have to take a test or anything.

pamela anderson and liam neeson? you mean my biological parents? of course they’re in love. they are my happily married mom and dad. i am normal.

where were you the night it was stolen

VOGUE DAILY Hailey Bieber shows that less really can be more—her streamlined, eight-step routine is all it takes to get that signature glow.

truly the funniest thing i’ve ever read in vogue. her less is more, streamlined EIGHT STEP routine? vogue was crazy for this one.

thank u🤲

i should be allowed to have a capybara as a pet

had a dream last night that i had to flash my boobs to gain access to an improv show 😭 like as an audience member, just to watch the show. horrifically embarrassing that i actually did it.

the new york times is running almost daily stories about how women aren’t babying the men they’ve been dating for two months anymore in what i can only describe as breathless coverage of the male loneliness epidemic

or like a piece of caramel corn

a fantastic four poster for the new one

the rock guy from fantastic four looks like a cookie

he was a nascar, she was F1, can i make it anymore obvious?

World Central Kitchen | WCK Resumes Limited Hot Meal Service in Gaza After 5-Day Pause After a five day pause, limited cooking operations resumed today at World Central Kitchen's Deir al-Balah Field Kitchen in Gaza.  This marks the second time in 2025 our hot meal program has been force...

After a five-day halt due to a lack of supplies, our team at WCK’s Deir al-Balah Field Kitchen has resumed limited hot meal service in Gaza. #ChefsForGaza (1/3)

it’s crazy how the pixar movie “cars” predicted we would have self driving autonomous cars

RIP even to all the haters and the losers

pronouncing “ghislaine” as “jizzlane” during my job as a major network news anchor during my nightly coverage of the whole epstein files stuff

those pure white hotdogs in germany? what is their deal. we sent a team to investigate.

i debated 100 six-year-olds about whether or not im Mr. Stinky

cover of “i can do it with a broken heart” by taylor swift but it’s changed to “i can do it with a tummy ache” and it’s about being strong and brave and persevering even when you have a tummy ache

dolph is actually short for dolphin. dolphin lundgren.

(jk im actually at work so it’s during my allowed 3 hours of screen time. DONT YELL AT ME I WILL CRY!!!)

i was really snide to the doctor when i got my concussion about how much i care about my brain for someone who has not done a single bit of being serious about concussion recovery protocol. truly a dumbass. but now i’m for real! i’m posting this with my eyes shut btw.

i’m medically allowed like ten minutes per day of screen time outside of work so i just want to say, why do chickens even have breasts. they don’t use them to nurse their babies? fucked up stuff.