One of the people who overheard me stumbling my way through a feminist argument whilst off my tits was my now wife, who years later told me *that* was what convinced her I was worth a first date. Our third wedding anniversary is on Wednesday, and we have a 2 year old daughter.

At my 30th birthday party (which i do not remember, on account of being quite drunk) I apparently called out a friend for claiming the gender pay gap was invented, and gave a surprisingly coherent counter that I'm pretty sure was just me repeating a Caroline Criado-Perez Twitter thread I'd read once

Over the last couple of years I've made up a theme song for my cat, to the tune of Cruella de Ville and with verses based on various cute events from her life. Then one day she got a jobby stuck in her bum fluff and smeared it all over the living room floor, and now the song has taken A Turn.

6 folk accepted it without question. One even apologised. There were only 8 of us in the team as well and honestly, inches came off both the head and the beard. You could have stuffed a good sized pillow with the offcuts, had you been of a mind.

I went out for a lunchtime haircut and beard trim in my last job, it had been at least three months since my last trip and i was starting to look like Captain Caveman. Anyhoo, when I got back to the office, I met everyone's cheery "nice haircut" with a look of pure confusion and a "sorry, what?"