Xylb'tok The Martian

Gr’zzlax is a menace when it comes to boxes. We Martians are very fond of flatpack furniture. We have been making the most of the US turning against them. Who doesn’t love a tariff free piece of furniture. Total bargain 👽 some of us don’t need gold ballrooms to prove something 😏

Earth’s Follies Week 34: generals, gaffes, and grand delusions Earth’s follies: another week of incomprehensible ranting and actions no Martian could have predicted, where do you get the ideas Earth?

Greetings carbon based calamities! What a week it’s been. Generals LOTS!!!! President BAD!!!!! Leadership TERRIBLE!!!! AI Videos FASHY!!!!
Someone hold my beer
👽

Escalator stopped = jail time
Insurrection = presidential pardon

All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽

Is it the tariff free popcorn 👀👽

Now if you’re offering popcorn that would be a whole different conversation. We’ve recently become big fans of that particular Earth snack given what’s going on down there we are going through a LOT of it 🍿👽

As kind an offer as that is I’m afraid we will have to hard decline. We have enough trouble keeping Elon away besides you don’t need us to tell you that certain humans are idiots / fashy/ manbanies (delete as appropriate)

They can keep expecting but we aren’t planning on invading any time soon and by that I mean ever. It’s your mess you broke it you fix it. The Galactic Council has unanimously decided that Earth isn’t worth the light years
You are definitely on your own on this one 👽

Earth’s follies week 33: escalators, elbows, and El Taco’s endless ego From UN rants to elbowed Canadians,and Disney’s climbdown to phantom wars, Planet Earth proves chaos is apparently a leadership strategy

Greetings Earthlings from Mars where we don’t cancel comedians because we aren’t paper thin skinned manbabies 😏

Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!

No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾

Earth’s Follies week 32: lawsuits, population drop offs and cancel culture Trump sues the Times for $15bn, rants at Windsor, kills off 300m Americans, and cancels comedy

Lawsuits HUGE!!! The FAKEST numbers!!!! Protests BIGLY!!! This week your absurdity is crazier than a Martian dust storm

Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏

We have been discussing whether it might be necessary to put up a huge banner that reads WE ARE HERE just so you all are on the same page and aware that we have been existing here happily for millennia 👽

Earth’s Follies Week 31: Leopard spots, AI bombs, and the carnival of Human chaos Spotted rocks, AI airstrikes, conspiracy pratfalls, and presidents ignoring domestic abuse – Earth still excels in absurdity and follies

*taps mic* is this thing on ?!
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

Wise move carbon life form

Have you thought about disowning the entire GOP

Anna I trust I can call you Anna? Do please call me Xylby one finds one doesn’t need to be so formal when amongst friends.
I thought I’d try channelling El Taco my cabinet tells me I did quite well but they may be just being nice 👽👾

Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies

Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...

Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies

BAD! VERY BAD! Earth “leaders” (so-called!) are doing a TERRIBLE job – the WORST in history of your tiny blue planet! Everyone is talking about it. Saturn’s rings are MUCH more organised. Read the TRUTH in Earth’s Follies Week 30
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk

Harvard gains major legal victory over El Taco after Judge rules the WH violated Harvard's free speech rights with funding cuts
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

Melania says 'robots are here'
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

Trump to rebrand the Pentagon as the 'Department of War' The president's controversial move could cost tens of millions, with letterheads and building signs in the US and at military bases around the world potentially needing a refresh.

Renaming the Pentagon to the Department of War is not the hot flex El Taco thinks it is

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

You are very wise. Yoda would be proud. He and I once spent a very long weekend discussing the philosophy of humans we never did quite get to the bottom of what is the meaning of life though 👽

Not an inaccurate word said. This Martian loves you too
You are by far a lovely carbon based life form. I confess I was apprehensive about your species but some of you are well nice actually

Is the invitation open to friendly Martians ?!
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs

These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽

Fiona fear not some of you are sane unfortunately those of you who aren’t are really really far gone but don’t worry I will be here watching over you ever ready to make sense of the insanity and to keep you sane folk company

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!! 👽🛸

Earth’s Follies: Week 29 – dictators, dustbins, and discount Liberace décor Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce of Follies

Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...

Earth’s Follies: Week 29 – dictators, dustbins, and discount Liberace décor Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce of Follies

Greetings carbon-based life forms! Another week another tragicomedy. Earth’s Follies Week 29 – political theatre so bizarre it makes Saturn’s rings look sane.
Strap in this ride is bumpier than a self driving Tesla test drive

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 😏👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk

Earth’s Follies – Week 28: burnt tangerine diplomacy, gerrymandered democracy, and the fashiest brief on Earth This week: gerrymanders, banned books, fash burgers & Trump praying for heaven, Earth’s reality show keeps jumping the shark

What’s up carbon based calamities ! It’s your favourite time of the week yes that’s right it’s time for me to attempt to make some form of sense out of your political circus
Strap in it’s been wild

‘State-driven censorship’: new wave of book bans hits Florida school districts Hundreds of titles are being pulled from library and classroom shelves in the Republican-dominated state

More banning of books and yet Vance is still lecturing other nations on “suppression of free speech”
Perhaps they don’t want people reading books that will highlight where ‘Murica is hurtling towards at great speed I might add

Clue for those at the back it begins with F and ends in ism

Anna, my favourite carbon-based life form, I decided to find out what all the fuss was over this thing you call high tea & I must say Gr’zzlax & I were blown away by how delicious it was it’s a wonder you earthlings have time to fight each other you should just settle any disputes over a cream tea

We’re largely silicon-based, with a light dusting of titanium for style and a trace of fluoride for dental sparkle.

Earth’s Follies – Week 27: Cream teas, crime scenes, and Nazi ships Cream teas, crime-free crackdowns & Nazi ship décor – just another week on Earth, where follies and absurdity never take a day off

Evening carbon based calamities !

Did you miss me? I’d say I’ve missed you but even from my perch up here on our gloriously rouge planet I can’t escape the carnival of chaos you call politics.
Pour yourself a carbonated beverage and let’s dive in 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk