Kevin, as a robot

Me to all my stand-up friends

Ok this one is funny

Post 9-11, Raimi Spider-Man in a midtown theater when the civilians start throwing trash at green goblin "You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us," standing ovation, audible sobbing, cheering like a Mets game, never seen anything like it in a theater before or since.

Girl behind me shouting "don't drink it she's alive" to Leo at the climax of Romeo and Juliet and another girl in the theater yelling "bitch this story like a million years old"

Me at my friends' improv shows

I'm a fucking improv teacher for Christ's sake. It's insane that it is easy for me to get laid.

Seeing this discourse around men not getting laid is making me, a middle aged chubby guy who makes very little money and gets laid constantly, think I should start talking more about how easy it is to get laid if you're just fucking nice to people. That's the whole secret. Be kind and be curious.

But yeah the sun placement is annoying

Also, there is no world where a 2d video on your phone or monitor has any comparison at all to the in-person experience. Which again, is I'm sure quite silly. But I bet it's fun. I bet the people who made it were like "this is so silly and fun! I love this movie so much!"

I actually think people bothered by this could stand to chill out a little. Of course it's ridiculous, it's the sphere in Vegas. There is no threat to the original and for sure nobody is going to think this is improved. It's like an Oz Rollercoaster. It’s a lark.

I shouldn't have had it, for sure, and this has definitely given me a powerful reason not to cheat again. I was gonna make another cup of coffee and it in my fridge and thought "what's the harm?"

Lesson learned. Woof. It really wasn't good enough to justify how crappy it made me feel.

I am only 3 days in to mostly cutting out sugar (temporarily) and I just indulged in one of those not-great bottled dunkin iced coffees I'd gotten at the bodega a couple weeks back, and man, my body feels like shit like 10 minutes later. Sugar is no joke, man.

Lol you fuckin dork

A lesson I learned in my 20s is that you do not hook up with a bartender at a bar you frequent.

Shit.

This is in my living room
(By Chris Booth, look him up):

I still havent seen the new Superman, but my understanding is that it's very good. This sucks, as sincerely liking superman was a cool and fun quirk of mine until now. I am not looking forward to having to establish an actual personality.

This motherfucker even does funny thirst traps well.

Thousands of hours of my youth. Thousands.

Not far out from the timekeeping equivalent of transitioning from gold to fiat

I've tested this in its latest iteration, it's truly incredible. If your brain works like mine does and you wish you could take notes without interrupting conversations, this will become an essential wear.

sincerely gets me every single time

I know the people at work like me because they send me videos they secretly took of me becoming best friends with a dog at the office

You can't fool me, that's Rolf the dog

I think you're unfairly categorizing the latter -- "it's completely over" is the most relieving moment in a man's life

Ok

The words "thick piss" intersecting on the I in the shape of a cross

Got to the airport too early. Gonna get wasted enough to go viral on TikTok for yelling at some airline employees except it's gonna be about how good they are at a very difficult job and how they are a valued contributor to the lives of thousands every day

we used to be a society

Oh no that's the opposite of what you do in a hot air balloon

We need a Jubilee video that is 15 fascists v 1 guy with a bunch of hammers