🪻

hope my Bible actually gets here tomorrow

hope I lose enough weight tomorrow

my teeth hurt so bad and the eugenol is fine for small spot applications directly on the cavities but I need the benzocaine for the broad pain relief all over my entire mouth

desperately desperately desperately need it. probably won't get to town until Friday or next week though

my teeth hurt so bad and the toothache stuff I got Monday is just mysteriously vanished. my hat too. no idea where it went, maybe I left it somewhere at the church, but I desperately need it

Ngl I kept coming back to them, it was sooo tempting 😭 if my mom hadn't pulled up to go to town w me I'd have caved for sure haha

I'm just so confused and so tired of hurting over this situation

I've spent something like a year or a year and a half crying over this situation and I know I deserve everything they've done to me but I wish I could just understand. I wish they'd tell me why.

it upsets me that there hasn't been any communication. everybody except me knew how much she hated me. I asked her son why she was mad at me and he said she wasn't, but he told another lady at our church that she tells him all the time how much she hates me. I don't understand

With the way my health is I genuinely question if I'll even live that long

I promised a dear lady at the church that I'd help her Saturday set up the life center for homecoming, and that will be my last day there until maybe the day before my birthday. Maybe I'll let myself visit that one day (a Wednesday night meal) as a birthday gift to myself

That's in February so

I gave her son a note saying I'm going to leave the church and to please not let her leave, I didn't tell anyone else

So. That was kind of my only reason to live honestly

Got to the church and I heard a lady I really love say "I'm about ready to leave the church because of her, I can't take it anymore", talking about me

oh.

Bible update: I got a "delivery attempt could not be completed" error — they didn't attempt to deliver it!!! went straight past my home to a whole other city

I'm hoping he just ended his route for today since it's 6pm / after hours and it'll get delivered tomorrow, I have no idea

Haven't eaten all day and there's a canister of smokehouse pistachios, almonds, and cashews sitting right here that I'm trying not to eat because I don't have my food scale with me to accurately count

I hope it gets here before we leave for church but I'm having doubts now

Confused why the DHL truck went by my house and on to other deliveries way past it 😔 but at least now I don't feel as rushed to home quickly

My Bible is out for delivery rn!!! Should be here sometime after 4:30pm, hopefully I can get home early 😭

Wait, today is my favorite holiday: Whopper Wednesday

Hoping I can stop by and take advantage when I head home today 🙏

Down 2.5 lb this morning AND my package cleared customs and is on to its next stop

DHL is still claiming delivery by today (doubt™) while Amazon is still saying Friday which is much more believable

Going to visit my mom tomorrow and then immediately once I get home I have to start getting ready for church which gets out at 8:30-9pm so not sure what my intake will be tomorrow

Would be a perfect opportunity to fast but I'll probably eat at least something, even if just some pretzels

I was doing mostly ok today until I hit a sore spot chomping down on a salad (literally just lettuce and dressing)

I think my ear is infected which is scary if the infection from my teeth is traveling up

really really think I'm going to die

I think my package is in Cincinnati? I got an email about customs but DHL tracking doesn't reflect that. Their tracking system is terrible. 🥲

Hopefully there's no problems!!

I want to eat very badly to the point where it's distracting me from productivity, but thinking about how much pain I'll be in if I do is putting me off for now. 🙃 Right now I'm mostly ok, just some radiating discomfort around my right ear / jaw / teeth, but I'm not in pain

Good morning!

DHL is saying my Bible is gonna get here Wednesday (!), while Amazon is still saying Friday. I'm fine with either one but it would be cool if I could get it before church Wednesday. I'm still expecting there to be some big thing to come up and hold the package up so idk haha

Weighed today for the first time in a week. Gained 2.3 lb, which I'm actually very happy with. When I go extended periods w/out counting cal I do tend to have a small increase and then maintain my weight.

Still going to try to fast, but if I don't, I'll be in a deficit. Breaks over, time to lose

Think I'm going to try to start a fast

No end goal, just as long as I can go (which for me will likely be about 10 hours from now ha)

If/when I do break I need to stay in a deficit, it's time to lock back in and salvage what I can of this year. I'll resume daily weigh-ins tomorrow

The more I save up for my tithes the farther away the goalpost gets. 😭 Sooooo close. I'll most definitely be paying everything off next Sunday.

I really wish my incontinent grandmother would not sit on my bed. Like I really really really do. It's nothing to be ashamed of and nothing she can help, but when she Knows she can't help it, why pee on My bed?

Everyone loved my vegan taco salad!!! I was asked to bring it Sunday for our homecoming meal, I might double the recipe for that

Nvm one of the ladies at the church asked me to help her decorate for homecoming Sunday! So I'll do that Saturday instead

Please don't be too good to be true 😭

A festival I was excited for is the same day and time as a church thing I was going to go to 😔 I was mostly excited just for a chance to wear my hat but I don't wear it to church things