The Daily Davester (satire)

Snap elections would be great.

Just imagining Elon trying to quickly get $300 million out of an ATM.

"Strategic Uncertainty" is the new way to call someone a "Complete Moron."

Facilitate? Trump couldn't facilitate the ordering of a Big Mac with no pickles.

It's kinda sad when your thumb doesn't go up as high as it used to.

If panic attacks were always deductible, I could've paid a total of $0 in federal taxes every year since the 90s. Like Trump.

I'm sorry, but we're so far gone that Jon lightly poking fun at this evil is just not funny. There's no comedy in this anymore; it's moved into the tragedy category. And is getting worse by the day.

What Trump hates 2nd most: people with morals.

By the end of today, my retirement account will have enough money for 12 wonderful days of retirement. So I've got that goin' for me.

The best financial advice he could've given his clients is, don't vote for Trump.

It was hard enough going to school when my worst fear was the thorny hall monitor.

This doesn't include the voices already in his head.

If he could also talk to a good therapist, that'd be fantastic.

If you have a phobia about seeing dark red arrows pointing downwards, today might be a good day to turn off everything and read a good book.

If you have a phobia about seeing dark red arrows pointing downwards, today might be a good day to turn off everything and read a good book.

If you have a phobia about seeing dark red arrows pointing downwards, today would be a good day to turn off everything and read a good book.

Elon will soon be wearing an item of clothing that reads, "I laid off a million federal workers and all I got was a bankrupt car company and this t-shirt."

Would love to see Elon duct taped to one of his SpaceX rockets and sent to Mars. Then he can buy elections there.

Wondering how many 5-Hour Energy bottles he managed to cram into his suit coat.

I wouldn't trust JD Vance to give me honest directions to the end of the block.

I love it. And it just made me realize why I suddenly stopped buying oranges in 2016.

That said, those ex-wives are not fans of his "trick shots."

He doesn't have anywhere near the lure that Trump has with MAGAs, and a lot of 'em don't trust him. If Trump keeled over from a heart attack from all that fast food, those conspiracy nuts would blame JD Vance -- because, of course -- so it would be easier for R's in Congress to go against him.

His inevitable heart attack from eating McD and KFC 3 times a day really needs to hurry up and take one for democracy.

My dog drives himself to doggy day care.

No, JD. It's very okay to ignore ignorant psychopaths.

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If I were a radiologist, I’d get a glow-in-the-dark doctor’s coat and “accidentally” turn off the lights for a few seconds during every appointment... just to give the patient a good story for their next dinner party.

I'd advise that kid to just stay in the womb for another 4 years or so.