It brings such worms

Proof of Clint Eastwood caught on tape

Crazy that there's a man who just looks like this loose out there in the real world. That's not a human face. That's the face of how a comic book artist remembers what their disappointed veteran dad looked like.

This was a good fucking post. It should be everyone's favourite post. But no likes???? It simply must be that I am shadowbanned by big blue sky

Me watching Pedro Pascal accept that award while a bit drunk: oh yes, we love a handsome cad, but we mustn't forget how quickly a cad can become a roustabout.

It should be illegal for a real estate agent to send you little updates about how your application process is going. Just leave me in the dark then break my heart. It's easier if I don't think it's going somewhere.

Itsa me! The food poisoning haver! If you think you are getting too gooda deal on the lemongrass chicken, you should trusta your gut to avoid spilling it later.

DJ dandruff in the rgb keyboard

DJ Gamer Chair

I don't know how good my new job's internet tracking is so I've not been able to invest in my precious goofing off billable hours

Don't even get me started on the Halloween series having multiple sequels to the original Halloween.

It's really funny to me that Child's Play has a long running and convuluted canon, but they took one swing at a remake where he was a robot voiced by Luke Skywalker and everyone said "no, we like the impossible to decipher timeline and make a multi-season TV show about it."

I should be allowed to go home whenever I want and they still pay me for the whole day or actually pay me extra prove you miss me grovel at my feet you employment dogs

[INTENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

You ever be watching YouTube at 2am and think you've found the pinnacle of art, then you check again the next day and its a ten minute video of a low res still image of Mike Wazowski while Dual of the Fates plays on loop in the background?

Hollywood architects have ruined modern housing builds. You do not need the number of bathrooms to meet or exceed the number of bedrooms. The bathroom is the most annoying room to clean. Cleaning one kind of messy one is easier than cleaning two lightly messy bathrooms.

I think I saw Alien before anyone explained normal human pregnancy to me. It's definitely done a doozy on how I react to hearing someone is with child.

They hired me and gave me the title Executive Client Integration Officer. I'm not supposed to be that guy! I'm supposed to walk in then get shooed out like a raccoon that wandered in because i thought i smelt hot dogs.

Hell yeah for Nichole

I fucking hate having my name and starting a new job. There's only so much "Andy Murray! Like the tennis player!" I can stand before I fart and puke and die

The natural end to the workday is 4pm. Any belief a human can work until 5 is ignorant.

You mix inherited depression and anxiety in the right amounts and I guess you can create the fanatic self-loathing without the need for jesus, I guess

For someone who has never been part of any church I sure do somehow carry the guilt of a catholic

Don't listen to their lies. THEY KNOW where the milk is.

Starting my new job tomorrow after a couple months unemployed. Takings bets now over if the anxiety makes me vomit on the new boss. Odds are on vomit.

In year 12 everyone got graduation jerseys with their name or nickname printed on the back. Except for one kid who got "Spartan 117"
Calm down, mate. You're not Master Chief, you still get picked up by your mum.

It should be illegal for other people to use public bathrooms at the same time as me.

And yet you persist. Obvious troll.

3d printing the spiciest pepper in the world. I can eat it no problem. Very crunchy and tastes like nothing.

I still think '2009' sounds like the kind of year you'd see in the opening exposition text crawl of some film about a future sci-fi dystopia