a human, like you

a while back he got caught walking out of a convenience store with a fresh tin of Zyn
steroids, tobacco, and sugar are all MAHA approved

every time I think “today is the day I will finally watch Lawrence of Arabia” I see the runtime and put on an episode of Mythbusters instead

had no idea Lawrence of Arabia was about a middle aged Japanese man learning ballroom dancing

I refuse to acquiesce to the demands of Italians

I would never eat your face, Morty
I respect you too much

if you think lasagna is silent you haven’t been around when I’m eating it

which is the day before Thursday!

I like this game where we name when days happen

what’s your girl been up to, @spacelawshitpost.me?

I’ve BEEN in line since YESTERDAY! it’s a LONG line!

I saw an interview with Michael Mann where he was asked what his favorite Johnny Depp movie is and he casually said it was Public Enemies (the Dillinger movie that Mann directed)

I just don’t know why this isn’t bigger news!
anyway, 1 burger smoothie please

THIS is how I find out about the drama in the erotic hypnosis/hypno-dom community?!

I won’t ask which one because that would be gauche

boy, transphobes sure do hate women (especially the ones who are women themselves)

I would never risk my precious salamis on a game of poker

it takes me ~5:20, so you’re doing alright

forget who it was, but one of those conservative dorkasses was whining because when he lived in DC there was a mass shooting and I’m sorry but literally everywhere in this country has that problem thanks to conservatives

you wouldn’t have done the post if you didn’t want to get yelled at, so this counts as being nice

GDI MORTIMER!!

today’s album

shouldn’t have even bothered with the damn salad bar at the beginning!

yep! wonder how many people would be shocked to learn he once spoke at the RNC

Oprah, The Rock, Jon Stewart…we’re just going to come up with a new vaguely left (or at least civilly right) celebrity candidate every couple of years forever because the reality TV guy beat two different qualified people

that’s a lot for one butt!

“I meant like…uh, weird stuff people have put in their butt?”

I love all my mutuals, even the ones who are pathetic worms

ex-wife got my LastPass account, so I can’t log into anything anymore :(

hit a snag yesterday…working through it

got your ass!

how hard does the AI have to work so he doesn’t look like he’s 90% neck?