Aaron Tinsman

It can only good happen

All that to say I’m not optimistic about Congress doing its job here. Which is a statement I could have accurately made on literally any day since, what, like 2003?

The U.S. House also passed a bill saying to release the Epstein files by a certain date and nothing happened other than Mike Johnson’s son getting a few Covenant Eyes alerts, I assume.

Office Space GIF ALT: Office Space GIF

This but “it” is Pam Bondi and “paper jam” is the files that were on her desk

After nearly two decades of driving, I’m shutting off my speedometer

a man in a military uniform sits on a couch with the words i suppose we all have our little secrets below him ALT: a man in a military uniform sits on a couch with the words i suppose we all have our little secrets below him

It’s for the truly appalling thoughts that the general public aren’t prepared for

Arnold Palmer, TOTAL legend, people always said how impressive he was, especially in the locker room, everybody knew it. Now we have woke Olympians disgracing OUR FLAG, lots of complaining, not much winning, not impressive if you know what I mean. I’m bringing CHAMPIONS back. America wins again!

Me, on a hypothetical this coming Friday morning:

For whatever reason, this was my sick day movie as a kid 🤣

If anybody knows this reference sans Google, know that I would take bullets for you

I don’t have anything negative to say about the halftime show other than Tom Arnold beat him by 30 years

Bad bunny is also my fursonality

The FAKE Halftime Show ratings were a TOTAL DISASTER, everybody knows it. Not patriotic, not American. TPUSA was a good START but still not patriotic enough. We’ll do one BIGGER and BETTER than anyone has ever seen. TWO WEEKS. Stay tuned!

“The man with the ball is responsible for what happens to the ball” -Branch Rickey

Frodo’s secret nickname for his friend:

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I felt this way about J.Lo and Shakira. Turns out dancing Latinas make everything better

It’s cool, I found it

Andrew Garfield and @sophicthunder.bsky.social, mostly

Relax your tight end

Isn’t there anywhere a straight* caucasian man like myself can go to watch a halftime show that’s nice and safe and white?

This woke nonsense of other people both existing and enjoying things is deeply offensive to me.

I’ll bite, what makes the rabbit substandard?

I talked to the BEAUTIFUL AMERICAN FARMERS, the BEST farmers anywhere, and they AGREED to LOWER grocery prices. Nobody thought it could be done. They did it for ME, and for our Country. You’re welcome, America. FOOD IS CHEAPER.

When you forget to wear your glasses and now The People™️ are confused about whether what I assume is your favorite Star Wars character makes you weak or weep:

In true opera style, these Olympic Games will not be over until yo’ momma sings

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the concern of our Susan Collins” -MLK, probably

Don’t imagine it, just subscribe to my Only Fans

Don’t yuck others’ yums, or something

a man with long hair and a mustache is standing in front of a door and says " watch out for your cornhole " ALT: a man with long hair and a mustache is standing in front of a door and says " watch out for your cornhole "

Not necessarily.

When you take a quiz to figure out your pornstar name: