megan

There are people reading this who, like me, didn't think they'd be around this long. We're not quite sure how or why we're still here. Sometimes CPTSD will get in our ear and tell us we don't "deserve" to be here. It'll whisper that we have no purpose. It'll try to get us to believe that there is no direction that our life can take now that will feel good or right— because, after all, we weren't "supposed" to live this long. That's really common. It's also bullsh*t. The truth is, our "purpose" was not preordained. There was no "plan" for us, at any time. We got conned by Trauma Brain into thinking we "had" to end our life, or that our life would end, by a certain point- but that was never rooted in fact. That was actually a symptom of what we were enduring.

The fantasy of an "escape hatch" can actually be very soothing when we're going through hell. Survivors know. If you know, you know- and I'm sorry you know. In recovery, we realize that we get to choose what our "purpose" actually is. We're not in the grip of any mysterious force that can determine when or how any of this ends for us. We get to choose. We get to shape our life. We get to choose a whole new life or identity, if what we were born into doesn't "fit." That's not to say any of that is easy. It isn't. Take it from someone who has reinvented himself more than once. But because you made it beyond the age you thought you would doesn't mean your life now lacks meaning or direction. It might mean your real life is about to begin. I'm glad you and I are still here to find out.

Good words from @drdoylesays.bsky.social over on FB tonight. Sharing here in case you need them.

We get to choose.

Screenshot from the tv show Mad Men of Sally Draper, a blond girl, talking. She is sitting outside and you can see a house with greenery in the background. Salt has a blond Bob and is wearing a cream shirt with orange pumpkins? printed on it.

"When I think about forever, I get upset. Like the Land O'Lakes butter has that Indian girl, sitting holding a box, and it has a picture of her on it, holding a box, with a picture of her on it, holding a box. Have you ever noticed that?" —Sally Draper

‪“Hey, I love you. Your little orange cat face and your little orange cat ears. I love you. I do. You’re a little cat, you might not even know what love is yet. Love is this thing— like when you cuddle up next to my shoulder, you’re probably experiencing it.”‬

You are not "too complicated" to love.

🖤🖤🖤

🖤💖

I hate that you get it, but knew that you would. 🖤

Grief doesn’t expire, and grief doesn’t mean you don’t— or can’t— love what comes after loss.

It can be both. It can be all of it.

Grief is weird. & complicated. & shows up when & as it pleases.

I met Lennon the kitten this weekend— he is cute & playful & feisty & a bit trepidatious of a new person in his space. Seeing him with G melted my heart.

—& I was also flooded with the grief of missing Abbey Road.

I am an always-put-your-shopping-cart-in-the-cart-return truther and a blueberry denier.

CUUUUUTE.

😍

Best compliment ever, maybe

Mirror selfie of Megan, a brunette, wearing a grey superman tshirt with a pleated red skirt, black vans, and black “Clark Kent”-style glasses

I did a brave thing & went to see Superman with bf last night— the movie theater experience is v overwhelming for me. But I did it! And we had fun! And I wore this cutesy little outfit. Pretty proud of myself. ♡

‪“Hey buddy, did you miss me? Oh, you’re going to follow me around while I unpack? Okay. —I missed you, too.”‬

Hey, you are allowed to consume— & enjoy!— food.

I know it doesn’t always feel that easy— & often isn’t that easy— but I wanted to say it just in case maybe you need the reminder. Some days I do. Today I did.

We’ll take it one day— one meal, one bite— at a time. We’re okay.

Perfect 😍

She looks so snuggly! & I love you collection. Thanks for sharing!

a dark grey backpack stuffed very full. In the side pocket is the green carebear good luck bear, who appears to be smiling mischievously at the camera.

ok but who do you travel with??

(I cannot sleep well without him 🥲)

(also I personally LOVE all the replacements from “the good place” & have been known to yell FORK a time or two)

“WHAT THE PRESIDENTS”— a silly long story but this one has stuck and remains a favorite over here

I’m the pirate in the other corner

Bf also wore a superman shirt so we were matchy cutesy cheesy (& I loved it)

Ok just looking i would’ve believed these ARE from CFA had I not known??

Megan wearing a Superman tshirt & red skirt & black “Clark Kent” glasses & black vans

brb, superman

but for real please keep me posted I am invested in this experiment

ON A SUNDAY

*chanting* MIDDLE AGED MIDDLE AGED MIDDLE AGED

Hi, it’s Sunday— tell me a thing you like. I’ll go first: I like tagging along with my boyfriend on marathon trips. Proud girlfriend today. (& like everyday, but that’s another post.) Now your turn. 🖤