Chan

There’s a part on the new Father album where he says “funky ass honky like the cut of my jib” and like bro…..I’m the funky ass honky……

(Patterson Hood voice) now the devil’s got an America party sticker on the back of his cyber truck

learning about how to spot a paper wasp at my queer trauma-informed bug identification class

Losing weight is cool but a big downside is that now I’m in pants hell. Not a single pair of pants that fit me well in the closet. Nothin!

you must understand that sometimes when I’m talking about “tomorrow,” I’m referring to the tomorrow of the day after tomorrow’s yesterday

yeah I’ve got WiFi at home…. A wife I love!!!

I’m developing a theory of elasticity for the term “New Yorker.” Someone with an extremely inelastic view might say that a “New Yorker” is someone who has never lived outside of NYC, while someone with a hyperelastic view might say a “New Yorker” is anyone who’s currently thinking about New York.

big day for ritual seppuku on bluesky the everything app

I’m telling you guys one last time to come see the band play

linktr.ee/downhaulband

had a dream about a Jamaican soda called “Sushi Yakuza” that tastes like popcorn but not in a yummy way

Asking the pharmacist to bottle up my klonopin “the ocky way”

it’s not up to me

Nominative Determinism is when a guy named Dave Painter makes his living as an artist. Determinative Nominism is when all of his friends call him “Pukey Dave” after one unfortunate night out.

imo the GA conflicts of interest act is pretty clear about what is and isn’t a personal interest that would warrant abstention. Lawyers can vote on lawyering. The same logic would stop Pillion from carrying dentist bills, or Roem from voting on FOIA changes bc of her journalism career.

no restaurant’s “spin” on a Reuben will ever surpass the original. No, that’s not a Reuben, it’s a corned beef monstrosity with cheddar cheese and jicama slaw. You have prostrated yourself before a false idol and the sandwich gods will strike you down.

People With Parents With Money 14 adults come clean about the down payments, allowances, cash infusions, and tuition payments that make their New York lives feasible.

I had to take breaks while I was reading this because as I read it my head would get really hot and I would start grimacing and gnashing my teeth

I need a few eunuchs who can keep a secret and handle physical labor

he’s cooking this morning folks

What happened tonight gastronomically for Super Bowl Sunday was like a 9/11 for my diet

Patrick Mahomes is in SUPER hell right now

I’m addicted to hanging out and fuckin chilling

I’m on a diet that I like to call the “please just think about it for one fucking second before you eat that please” diet

Gordon Cinephillips

No relation to Duke Football legend Memorable Factor, but the fact that that even needs to be clarified is a beautiful thing

Reddit is such an interesting social media platform. I feel like its use is ubiquitous but no one will cop to it. There’s an element of shame to using Reddit. God forbid you’re considered a “Redditor.” You have to wear a veil of anonymity, like Reddit is the ortolan bunting of social media.

based on what I experience, I assume that some people come visit the state Capitol for a chance to ride an elevator for the first time in their life

this world is a fucked up place

Lord Jesus Christ I ask that you take all of my fortitude and deliver it unto Josh Allen that he may strike down the vile and putrid Kansas City Chiefs

of Montreal is the wario of belle and Sebastian. I do not want to explain myself

every person who uses a stairmaster at the Y uses it for SO long. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an unoccupied stairmaster at the Y. For the first time ever I saw a guy get off of it today and not 30 seconds later there was a woman there to take his place. Like a hydra’s head.