Jenny Rauch

People will be like “omg Sabrina is so horny” but really the song is about how unbelievably low the bar is for men and they still can’t clear it

One of the best things about being an adult is that you can just buy mozzarella sticks and eat them whenever you want

Currently very focused on watching the thing I put on as background while I clean and Three Men & A Baby might be a perfect movie, and not just because of Tom Selleck’s mustache, slutty glasses, and short shorts, tho those don’t hurt

I’m sorry, Folklore Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ‘cause she’s getting dicked down.

See the problem is that even when they are at a logical disadvantage, the Republicans will always be in a position of power in budget negotiations, because they don’t give a flying fuck about how many people they screw over and nothing can make them

Every day I think about how we could’ve had that smart black lady and I die a little inside

The re-releasing movies in theaters and all the nostalgia TV reunions are getting out of hand, for the love of god, can we please make some new shit

I hope Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t apologize tomorrow and Disney sues the Trump administration. That probably won’t happen but I’ll try and manifest anyway

I don’t think you guys understand how many balls women have in the air, like the precision required to coordinate clean sheets with an everything shower, men could never

Hey Bob Iger might I recommend you watch your show Andor?

Watching “The Oner” episode of The Studio for the seventh time and thinking about how much I love art and hate fascism

The Kimmel thing is a massive tipping point and I am fucking terrified

The closer we get to an actual robot apocalypse the more I agree with Cypher in the Matrix, like you guys can have the planet, whatever, let me live blissfully ignorant in 1998

Love to see a man struggling in my barre class

Scrolling through the literal dozens of sweater dress and tall boots combos at Old Navy is giving me war flashbacks like should I be charging them for stealing my entire closet from 2011?

The female urge to do a thousand house projects while your husband is on a work trip

Why do I keep getting Bed Bath & Beyond ads I thought they didn’t exist anymore am I going insane

Sitcom episodes should be 21:30 I don’t care if they are on streaming I will die on this hill also more sitcoms on networks please

These doctors on social media need to stop getting my hopes up it’s very rude

I need someone to stitch that video of Dean Cain in ICE training with the clip of John Mulaney going “is that Dean Cain…?” because I don’t know how to do that please and thank you

So sorry I cannot do anything for the next 5-7 business days, my close personal friend Taylor Alison Swift is engaged 💍

Did I realize halfway through the focus portion of my formal ADHD assessment that I was doing it wrong because I didn’t pay attention to the directions?
Yes, and frankly it was a little on the nose.

The new Gavin Newsom comms strategy (s/o Camille Zapata) is further evidence that comedy will always be the best delivery system for information

Not releasing PWMOV and Love Hypothesis in theaters is a huge missed opportunity, do they not understand how the booktok girlies would mobilize to experience that shit on a giant screen in the same room??

Gavin Newsom threatening to gerrymander California and Texas dems fleeing the state to prevent a quorum is exactly the kind of productive pettiness we need

I didn’t know I needed Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson to fall in love while making a Naked Gun reboot, but turns out I did, I really did

Hi Google, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, so just to clarify, when I searched “do fridge filters remove flouride” it was to make sure the flouride is *still in* my drinking water and I am in fact a sane person who believes in science kthanksbye

Today in finally cleaning things I’ve been avoiding until they are too disgusting to ignore: my children’s humidifier

I’m 37, so while I’m wearing my old converse to the My Chemical Romance concert tonight, they have extra insoles in them, ya know?

Anyone who needs the Epstein list to know that Trump is a sexual predator hasn’t been paying attention to literally anything