Julie Lou 🪩🌈🍉

Anyone else watching clips of Cynthia Erivo and Adam Lambert and the whole cast SLAYING and then realized 1) you do still have JCS completely memorized 2) #bangers 3) damnit they are all earworms you will have stuck in your head for approximately 20 years? #worthit

I'm reading V for Vendetta for the first time and I missed this detail in the movie. V plays Beethoven's 5th (already a V reference) but also da da da dum, da da da dum (the rhythm of the main part) is Morse code for the letter V (. . . _) friggin wild!!

I was today years old when I learned you don't have to cook Cheetos, they come pre-cooked. #turnedonthewrongburner #ittasteslikeburning

For those who wanted an update on my small business, my urban thistle bumper crop is booming! Looking forward to the massive market for oversized thistles. #needlessweeds

Got a set of custom earrings made and I'm in love

Chihuahuas are the Steve Buschemi of dogs.

Watching the Price is Right, and I say to my kids, "I don't need a wine cooler, I have a garage fridge." And that's how I know I'm low brow.

Sometimes I host nonexistent events

a close up of a pikachu with a surprised look on its face . ALT: a close up of a pikachu with a surprised look on its face .

Parenting Pre-Teens in a Nutshell:
Me: if you do that again, you'll get this consequence
Then: does it again
Me: you now have this consequence
Them:

I asked my kid if they were trying to sneak something to school and they got wildly offended (it's been an issue). As they walked out to head to school I said, "I love you bud" and they kinda grunted at me, which I'm pretty sure means, "I love you too mom, you're the best" lol

My kid just said "turning up the volume is just zooming in with sound" and my brain is broken 🤯

Put up permanent Christmas lights all morning with three minor cuts, now on to previewing the FNAF film for my kids and a relatively healthy lunch

I celebrated mother's day by buying a bird bath and an angle grinder. Winning.

There's a good chance your kid has parroted to me the bigot-y things you repeat at home. Don't strike up a conversation with me like you don't see me as a full human.

Made it another 10 miles today. I'll have to take a week off training bc I have another tatt session on Saturday but feeling proud of my progress

A month out from my half marathon, today was a 10 miles total day

The closest I will ever get to having an assistant is my work calendar alerting me 15 minutes before I have to be somewhere. I've peaked.

I was worried people wouldn't know I was gay so I bought some lavender syrup!

Fucked around and ran a 10k this morning (outside!!). Now for a relaxing day of tattoo sleeve.

You may have had peach boba tea, but have you ever taken the leftovers and made boba whiskey?

This morning I was so proud of checking on kids having everything before school. I got cocky. Had to make two separate trips to drop off forgotten items. #hubris

5.5 miles "Lift Weights, Punch Nazis"

Here's what I think would happen if I started investing in cryptocurrency: I would forget I bought it a week after I got excited about it, I'd delete the app I used 6 months later, and I'd end up being out $100. The end.

If Trump and Musk get their way on dismantling public education, teachers will be fired.

Class sizes will go up.

After-school programs will be cut.

Programs that help kids with special needs will disappear.

Let's remember the lesson of the bidet. It hits all of us where we need it. Despite our differences, we all have buttholes located at roughly the same spot.

✨WHEEZING✨
(featuring the fabulous
@marawilson.bsky.social)

I may have called the pizza place last night after placing my online order. I may have openly stated my mental health hinges on them remembering my sauce cups.

Why tf did the McCallisters have a dog door? They didn't have a dog!! #morningthoughts #HomeAlone #hottakes35yearslater

On god I am so sick of living through historical events.

I watched my wife die of brain cancer a year ago. Her condition went from manageable to untreatable in the blink of an eye, with world-class treatment. This is fucking monstrous behavior that might not be reversible for the the child's condition