Jeff Gardner

Mornin, @thehill.com

Trump trying to send a DM to Pam Bondi but actually posting it on TruthSocial instead raises new questions about Joe Biden's mental acuity.

Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!

Silly Jimmy Kimmel. He should have just called for all homeless people to be killed and he’d still have a job.

You will not stop ICE by throwing sandwiches at them. That only works on Dean Cain and you have to throw it in the opposite direction to get him to chase it.

Our founders knew that someday crime in DC would reach a thirty year low and the President would need to call in the national guard to stop it.

I am so sick of the left saying that Trump is in the Epstein Files. He’s the President and deserves top billing. Epstein is in the Trump Files

He Made Me Who I Am and Then Forgot Who He Was Daddy

I am angry at the MAGA movement for being so effective in marketing hate to the exact demographic my dad represented. I am also angry at my dad for falling for it.

jesspiper.substack.com/p/he-made-me...

Congrats to Stephen Colbert for never bending the knee.

Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein Epstein

Awesome! Thanks for making a difference.

Good evening:

YOUR DAD SAYS NOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

The Epstein files are on Pam Bondi's desk right now but also they do not exist but also they do exist and were written by Obama and Hillary when Epstein died in 2019 when the president was Donald Trump.

When I was on Silicon Valley, we didn’t think robot nazis would be here until at least 2030.

Congrats to Lisa Murkowski on voting for a bill that she herself admitted was not ready in hopes that the House would change it. Now it’ll become law. She had the power to stop it, and instead chose to become complicit. That’s her legacy.

I am grieving the barbarism that is going to unfurl from all this. People are going to die. Livelihoods gone. All to feed a corrupt kleptocracy.

I see every day up close how different it is from the first time around. There are no guardrails. A disaster. I’m sorry we have to live through this.

I work as an elder and hospice caregiver, which I am oddly passionate about. I can love on them shamelessly and no one complains about my codependence. It's a win-win situation. Many of my caregiving colleagues complain about the repetitive questions and, sometimes reactions, of the elderly, especially when those patients happen to read the newspaper, especially with the current downward spiral of our country — as if these people haven't lived through enough horror... I love my dementia peeps, but sometimes wonder if there's a Guinness Book World Record for how many times an hour a dementia patient can repeat the same question — it's got to be in the hundreds. At least with small children, they ask different questions. Dementia patients will get stuck on one short question and ask it until you can interrupt their train(carousel) of thought and successfully redirect their attention. That carousel is pretty manic sometimes. A couple days ago, I picked up my mail from the post office and drove over to the nursing home to take (let's call her "Miss Daisy") Miss Daisy out for a drive. Before we took off on our road trip, to the end of The Road and back, in our landlocked little town (Juneau, Alaska), I set my copy of The Onion down in front of her. Over our two-hour excursion, tiny Miss Daisy read that front page at least a dozen times and each time she would snicker, giggle, and guffaw, then put it down on the dash board and, a minute later, discover it anew. I think it was the best afternoon of my life. We don't often hear them laugh and when they do, it's the sweetest thing you've ever heard. ... Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the really important work all of you do. You make the world a better place.

I got permission to share this, and I'm extremely grateful for that.

The Onion got this letter from one of our subscribers in Alaska. She works with dementia patients and decided to leave a copy in the car for each one.

This email made my year. Read it and you'll see what I mean. People are good.

It’s every parent’s nightmare, isn’t it? you check your child’s bulletproof backpack and find a picture book about gay penguins

BREAKING: ICE is asking people to stop clogging their hotline by calling in and reporting an undocumented girl named “Anne Frank” hiding in the top floor of various Republican lawmakers’ houses.

Yes, I agree — it would be terrible. Please do NOT share this information!!!

Brilliant. 10/10. No notes.

Glad you're ok! Some people just have too much internal fortitude for regular stitches to handle.

I think you are lying

Brutal.

I am the Greatest Lake of All-Time. I am, The GLOAT.

My statement on the charges filed against me: