Billie 🐦

me: i don't know if i need advil or tums until i sleep inside the bed.

my body: i'm stomach hurting.

me: shut up.

it sucks dick, that's why i wanna play it

oh. that's gore. that's gore of my comfort character.

rakdos charming

I wanna play Commander

they should switch the names of aspergers and hemorrhoids.

if someone tells me they have ass burgers i should not have to ask what that is. i should go "yeowch" and be done with it.

the guitar plays me.

counterspell

timestamp on this informed me that it is october. fuck you.

thinking about middle school when i thought

"if you like penis colada
and getting caught in the zipper"

was the funniest shit ever

cover up the blank spots
hit me on the head!

what is it like working on bigtop burger? it's been my favorite since baman piderman stopped and i love to hear you guys in it!

effective today, I have resigned from working with Ultimate Guard, as I can no longer support the company's creative or business decisions.

embarrassing problem; i can't cum unless I am either jacking off or having intercourse,

sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles, and buddy...

we're gonna try this week's crumbl cookie menu

i don't fuck with products that have that little "not tested on animals" label. how am i supposed to know if this stuff will blow up my dog. they didn't test it. unbelievable.

perpetuate the cycle 🧡

looks like 15%, scryfall shows 40/249

thinking about him 🧡

flat pepsi ≈ oreo

difference is oreo's sweetness lies with the creaminess

pepsi's sweetness is the kind they put in the smell of gasoline

i always thought that one barenaked ladies song said "just like brian wilson, dead"

now i'm right

i fucking called it

i'm just trying to jinx it so they show something cool tomorrow

them: final fantasy mtg fans are eating so good!

me, final fantasy xii fan:

The biggest problem was always the length and the remaster cuts so much of the junk out

12 is different but so so good!

love you dirt