jawn cena

he should add a new move and call it The Streisand Effect

ron paul, rand paul, logan paul, and jake paul are all related

there's so many people that i like. there's so many folks with whom i am so glad i get to be concurrently alive

a google search result for the website KevinSorboGold.com, advertising a comprehensive guide to help you navigate financial uncertainty

Kevin Sorbo showing you a bar of his Sorbo Gold

[steely dan voice] 🎶 the sorbo gold 🎶

i feel like if you have to say "we left with all of my children" in regards to your visit to someone's private island, it follows logically that you should not have brought your children to visit that person on their private island!! sadly, you have done A Bad Parenting

“but emma you can’t in good conscience call dibs on a baseball walkout song when you have no reasonable chance of being a professional baseball player” shut up. you shut up right now

glad that the olympics have reinvigorated public enthusiasm for Prisencolinensinainciusol but i just want to remind everyone that i have a permanent dibs on it for both my wrestling entrance music and my baseball walkout music

all of the objections have enormous "the only way to stop a bad guy with a car is a good guy with a car" energy

the responses to this statement make me feel a) insane and b) like even the most liberal-minded driver carries around some secret second amendment in their hearts that is specifically about cars

i am forming a new political party whose platform will be restoring zombocom to its previous state. please join me in this fight. together, we can do anything

freeze tag

give me the ferments
and free my soul
I’m only eatin yogurt
at the super bowl
I’m RFK

this is really serious. i hope that you never find out what’s going on but your wife comes to a place of peace and understanding about the whole situation

patticles

doctor: well mr. yoda, we fixed the language center of your brain. you should talk totally normal now

yoda: thanks dude

decisions have been TAKEN?

there are a lot of lefty horse people! we’re just outnumbered 😣

clavicular sounds like a medical condition that only a horse can get

i tried to listen to this and i sprained my stapes bone

SINK POMERANIAN

trying to get some newer, more fun conspiracy theories going. there's a pittsburgh toilet in the basement of the white house

ah yes, the many hallowed and storied chambers of that great white house. we all know them: the oval office, the lincoln bedroom, the east room, the Donald J. Trump Memorial Rage Room and Ecstatic Mosh Pit,

sympathy is a knife, fame is a gun, anger is a machete, success is a bazooka, motherhood is a halberd,

i love his appearance in the gavin volure episode as an expert in art collecting and yelling. "why isn't there any good art in here?! COME ON!!"

[wrestling announcer voice] now coming to the ring, it's "Hospice" Lou Holtz!! and he's got a gun!!!

he is my least favorite character from Monster Factory

it's hard to imagine a future without legs

it's time to go Jabroni Mode

FINALLY someone is addressing my PAIN POINTS