Joni Baloni 🐈💨

Going into the 2nd weekend of our car being in the shop. Supplies and spirits are running low.

It's "We the people," not "they the billionaires."

stars are the freckles of the universe

drop an old person you're gonna turn into in the future

Insomnia isn't all bad. I enjoy the soothing 3 am silence, while the noise pollution is resting.

Told my husband I don't know all the words to any song from Nightmare Before Christmas and he said I could lose my goth card for that.

My husband is like if Paul Lynde loved p*ssy.

Doing the bare minimum without giving up is actually brave and good sometimes

Sucks when you offer help to a family member and then they treat you like a human ATM.

Working on a heist movie where a retired safe cracker gets the old gang back together in one last attempt to buy razor blades at Walgreens.

The Sundries Boys

mood: cat walking backwards to get a bag off its head

Murdering a neighbor for buzzing everyone in the building at 7:30 am on a weekend because he walks his dog without taking his keys is totally legal, right?

We need something like the Neptune Society but it's a jewelry store that turns your ashes into gemstones, and call it Your Time to Shine.

Been keeping busy doing irl stuff and rewatching Twin Peaks. Almost time to fire up a Fringe binge.

Craving pizza and genuine connections with authentic people.

A bagel shop cashier automatically gave my Gen X husband a Senior discount and he has been shook all day.

I mean, he's devilishly charming.

One time my husband did a card trick that went so well my family thought he was in cahoots with the Devil. I really wish I was joking.

I'd rather see someone chew with their mouth open than be around an emotional vampire who is sopping up sympathy gravy with a buttermilk-it biscuit. 🤢🤮

Do cops really need to blare their siren at 6 am on a Saturday through neighborhoods with zero traffic, or are they being assholes trying to ruin as many people's weekend sleep as possible?

Today's my ex-husband's birthday, the same day as John Lennon. Mine is on Mark David Chapman's birthday. We should've known it wouldn't work out.

That was the ep I watched last night before bed! 👀

The Twin Peaks theme song is stuck in my head and tbh it's keeping me feeling mellow today.

I'm all out of The Paper eps to watch. Please make some more. Thank you.

I talk to lots of people for work and they often tell me I have "the voice of an angel" or that "I could listen to you talk all day" but don't worry, those compliments won't make me start a podcast.

Surprised we don't hear more from David Duke considering America is slowly becoming his wet dream.

Says it's an albino Orca.

While Google still exists, stop asking people questions about their posts that you can easily search for. Lazy bastards.

Ladder made out of feet?