Chris Calabrese

time for that sweet half price rapture day candy

one of my favorite docs of all time. i could listen to shelby foote read jim morrison lyrics and actually find merit in them

are there ever live streams or videos of your women’s or men’s games? member from the US here

poor Mina Tanaka, now carrying the entire weight of America First Credit Union on her shoulders

once i spent 10 minutes frantically searching for my phone in the dark using a flashlight — the one on my phone

okay, i guess nobody at this bus stop wants to talk with me about the 2025 womens euros final 🙄

[me texting my other dumb friends] okay which one of you has the monkey’s paw

The Weakerthans - Diagnosis 🔁 Psych theme song

Waxahatchee - Tigers Blood

woke up with MJ Lenderman - Joker Lips

tonight’s ADHD mental jukebox: alternating between Sixpence None the Richer - Kiss Me and Piebald - Rules For Mules

jaboukie’s famous tweet impersonating the CIA that says “Just because we killed MLK doesn’t mean we can’t miss him.”

evergreen jaboukie

and just like that he’s the most popular player amongst lakers fans

won’t anyone think of the poor data centers

“if we can’t make everything 100% equal and humane, we shouldn’t bother making it 99.9999% equal and humane”

if i never see another fan cutaway on a jumbotron or a tv screen, it’ll be too soon. so this is torture for me

time to find out who excelled at the Pope Combine

i’ll ask them about it in the Q&A

so much for my suggestion that our astronauts go barefoot in Shackleton

there’s a direct correlation between la croix flavors and the number of takes for a setup #LPSC2025

it’s honestly pretty wild i went from working on For All Mankind to writing for NASA. can i give a lecture at #LPSC2025 about my findings of the effectiveness of various craft services snacks on the productivity of fake astronauts?

ah, the life of a lowly creative writer with no connections at his first #LPSC2025. who can i pitch my Cunk on the Moon-style mockuseries to? i promise i’ll stop 35 seconds in once i realize i haven’t thought the idea though

if you let your pets sleep in your bed, just fuck already

screenshot of an NPR article titled “peeing is contagious in chimpanzees, study suggests”

(me outside the zoo’s chimp enclosure chugging water) i’m about to start a revolution

a screenshot of the Incidents tab of the Citizen app from christmas eve. they do this every year, where they think it will be fun to have a fake incident for “man in sleigh seen above city” or whatever, and it’s sandwiched by actual horrible incidents. in this case, those incidents are a track fire at the 9 street PATH station, woman injured in assault with glass bottle, and two suspects sought in slashing at French Charley Park.

merry christmas from the citizen app!

once a year i open linkedin, see high school friends who did whippets and lit each others clothes on fire vapidly congratulating one another on their promotions from “manager” to “senior manager” at Business Company, and log off for another year

unacceptable! i'll be hosting my videos on Greece now

Piss is great! (sponsored post)

happy birthday caitie! i hope your dog lives forever

the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade always makes me nostalgic for Macy’s