Eric Fastner

We’re back in the “injecting bleach” phase, aren’t we?

Kristi Noem: It is so lazy for South Park to make fun of the way a woman looks.

Everyone: And you're probably mad they showed you mercilessly executing every puppy you came across, right?

Kristi Noem: I am so much prettier than that.

doctor: (looking at scan) ok so the good news is that you’re not pregnant

me: yeah that'd be weird. what's the bad news?

doctor: the watermelon seed you ate at age nine is growing more powerful by the minute

For 5 and a half minutes last night, John Cena, CM Punk, and Hangman Adam Page were all world champions at the same time

The Justin Timberlake meme where he says “it’s gonna be May” but now it says “tomorrow is August” instead. His hair is blonde and short and curly and he’s a wearing a white button up shirt. His smile is menacing

"don't trust anyone who sincerely uses some dumbass nickname for Trump" is a nearly flawless rule

I guess it's kinda funny that he takes after the most famous delusional character in literary history

Weird that the venmo name is djtrump@trumpco.com though…

Dying as a Russian soldier to own the libs

Thank you to whoever made this Hulk Hogan tribute post. 🤭

Hulk Hogan’s last appearance for WWE being a shameless beer promotion while he’s mercilessly booed is a pretty decent way to sum up his legacy

And one final thought: Ozzy going out after giving an emotional final performance that raised a ton of money for charity is more spiritually uplifting and did more genuine good than anything any televangelist and religious grifter who railed against him ever did combined.

I used to prank coworkers by using VBA to change their autocorrect dictionary. Someone at the nuke agency has the opportunity to do the funniest thing

Of course. Trump made a deal with Maxwell. Johnson shut down Congress until it could get done. She will lie her face off under oath about Trump, and DoJ won’t touch her.

30-part YouTube series unpacking Kirk Cousins saying Jesus has a plan for him while flying to Antigua for stem cell treatments he can’t legally get in the US because of abortion politics

Washington should change their name to the “Washington Epsteins” so that Trump goes back to ignoring them

Aerial view of the White House with multiple red map pointer icons above it.

I hate when someone unearths my pube-autograph to the world's most famous pedophile while I'm dying of cankles

They should send the list to everyone's phones like that one U2 album.

Donald Trump won't see all the mean things you post about him online, but someone who likes him might and fuck them too

really hoping colbert goes out with the same chaotic "what are you going to do? you already fucking fired me" energy that conan brought at the end of his tonight show run

"Mr. Murdoch stated that he would take care of it"

👀

Can we take a moment to appreciate how THAT RIGHT THERE is what, in any other age, would have been a presidency-destroying scandal???

Can you imagine a 2026 version of the Colbert Report?

We don’t talk enough about how this dude was so thinned skinned about people making fun of his hair that he exclusively wears hats now

There’s absolutely nothing like that “oh shit” feeling right after you execute a command and your session immediately terminates

email’s been around since 1971 and somehow the only 4 viable hosting options are:
- selfhosting
- Fascism Inc.’s Data Stealer Machine 9000
- quantum-proof nuclear bunker 20 miles underground in Europe
- basement of some guy named Dale with fringe political views, on the same NAS as his 78TB of porn