sanctimonious abbey cat

Finally, a Republican rapper.

the problem with woke 1 is that the chuds weren't punished harshly enough. woke 2 will correct this.

Wall Street bets discord is so goddamn funny right now

this is the future of advertising

Once a year for every year you've been alive, you've finished a certain day not yet knowing that date would become one of the most famous and celebrated dates in the world for the rest of your life to come: The Day It Finally Happened

I’m speaking the dark tongue of Mordor with perfect customer service voice

our product’s “real cheese!” packaging has people asking a lot of questions already answered by the packaging

steve miller writes a huge X on a piece of paper that says “i’m a zipper, i’m a clicker, i’m a chicken dinner” and resumes looking around the living room

When did it fall out of fashion for famous people to pretend their parents put them in a basket and sent it down river. They should bring that back. Trump should be like Fred found me in a wicker basket in the Gowanus

"they absorb so much at this age, they're like a sponge" I exclaim as I wipe down a countertop with a toddler

i made the mistake of nurturing my son's fondness for disaster movies and now i've watched moonfall more times than its editors

I’m in

my offensive Irish name has cleared countless similar filters but the good people at Rockstar could not be fooled

telling an extremely high elon musk he has to troubleshoot code on his own website or a nuke is going to go off 

For sale: baby, bad vibes

It's easy to laugh now but the situation at Burning Man is going to deliver so much generative disruption down the line. They're going to invent cannibalism and create an app for it called Eatr. Multiple companies that market sharpened sticks will get eight-figure venture investment.

we are all god’s children and he locked us in a hot car

Beowulf taps into the primal human of fear of defeating someone in combat and then being forced to fight their mom

I got an extended clip for my traumas so I can dump more of them on people without reloading

Getting coward-pilled. Saying "a b-b-b-bumble bee!" before fleeing in terror