Matt B

Naked Matt B stands indoors wearing Mardi Gras bead necklaces, with a colorful carnival mask and jester hat graphic over his eyes. A bright “Carnaval” sticker with flames and a cartoon figure covers his lower body, while a doorway and teal wall are visible in the background.

Show me your beads.

Matt B stands indoors holding a red box labeled “PACZKI” in large white letters. He wears a patterned green shirt and looks at the camera with a slight smirk.

Happy Paczki Day! ⚜️ 🇵🇱

Yayayayay! ♥️ 🎉 ♥️

Matt B stands indoors wearing a black cap and an open red button-down shirt, with chest hair visible. He has a short beard, red gemstone earrings, and looks at the camera with a neutral expression. Text overlaid on the image reads “JACKHAMMER” and “Chicago, IL,” with decorative lines on either side.

Finally thawed

Right? I told hubby the same thing, we should go to the beach. I'mma call up the nude camp and tell them to let me in

Thank you. And to you. 😘

A collage of three photos shows a younger Matt B wearing black caps in each image with different facial hair styles. In the black-and-white photo, he wears a black cap and looks sideways at the camera; in another, he wears a black cap and patterned shirt with a necklace; and in the largest color photo, he wears a black cap over a bandana, looking closely toward the camera with a trimmed beard and mustache.

26. 36. 46. 🎂

Matt B holds a small white unicorn-shaped lamp with a gold horn and white shade close to his face, smiling slightly at the camera. He wears a dark graphic T-shirt and glossy dark red nail polish, with the lamp’s cord visible and a dimly lit room in the background.

Yes. Unapologetically, yes.

Matt B holds a small white unicorn-shaped lamp with a gold horn and white shade close to his face, smiling slightly at the camera. He wears a dark graphic T-shirt and glossy dark red nail polish, with the lamp’s cord visible and a dimly lit room in the background.

On my way to the registers, I spotted another white ceramic lamp. Unicorn-shaped.

Labeled: “Kids Lamp.”

Slightly bigger than the sensible, grown-up lamp in my cart.

“Matthew,” I told myself, “as of today, you are a 46-y/o man. Are you really going to put a kids’ unicorn lamp in your bedroom?”

A white table lamp with a sculpted, wavy ceramic base and a wide white fabric shade sits on a wooden surface. A silver stem connects the base to the shade, with stacked white books and a plant leaf partially visible in the background.

As I was walking through the department store doing a little birthday shopping, I remembered I needed a new bedside lamp.

First, I found this sleek white ceramic swirl lamp. Clean, minimal, and mature. It would match the trim in my room perfectly. Into the cart it went.

Aww shucks 🙈

Matt B stands indoors wearing a dark graphic T-shirt, looking at the camera with a slight smile. A colorful overlay of fireworks, confetti, and presents surrounds him, with large decorative text across the image reading “Happy Birthday!”

🥳

Nope, no guilt this year. Cardio, picked up lunch, carb nap. Olympics the rest of the day.

Yay! They're also really awesome with exchanges if you find the fit isn't quite right.

Shirtless Matt B poses indoors, resting his fingers against his chin, with dark red nail polish visible on his nails. He has a shaved head, short beard, red gemstone earrings, and chest hair visible, with a softly lit room in the background.

Prest-o Change-o. Goodbye, winter beard.

🔥 🔥

lol I thought I imagined it

Okay, I'm glad I wasn't the only one who caught that.

A close-up shows Matt B’s orange cat Pekoe sleeping with her face pressed against his forearm, eyes closed and whiskers resting along his skin. The cat’s ear and cheek fill most of the frame, with Matt B’s arm and a dark shirt visible in the background.

A close-up shows Matt B’s orange cat Pekoe sleeping with her head resting against his forearm. The cat’s eyes are mostly closed, with her ears, whiskers, and striped fur clearly visible, and Matt B’s arm and dark shirt in the background.

Pekoe chose my arm as a pillow, so I guess I live on this couch now.

#kitteas #catsofbluesky

Matt B stands indoors holding a dark green zucchini up at eye level, looking at it closely. He has a shaved head, short beard, dark red nail polish, and is wearing a black shirt with a Winnie-the-Pooh graphic.

I should text him.

Selfie of Matt B, sitting, wearing a purple shirt, and looking above and past the camera.

Something something shoot and post.

Have you tried a fabric/elastic cock ring? I would be happy to help you find your size 😊

bsky.app/profile/polo...

Naked Matt B stands in a shower with water running over his head and shoulders, soap suds visible on his scalp and beard. A graphic in the lower corner reads “National Shower with a Friend Day” alongside an image of a showerhead spraying water.

🚿

*carries 8 gallons of water*

Right? I spent eight years doing shift work. I've now had 4 years of weekends and holidays off, and it still throws me.

Naked Matt B takes a mirror selfie indoors, holding a phone in one hand while his other arm is raised behind his head. He has a shaved head, full beard, visible chest and body hair, and wears a necklace with two small rubber testicles; a bed and clothing are visible in the background.

I may or may not be tipsy. And yes, I'm wearing fake balls around my neck.

Alt text: A nail salon interior with manicure stations lined up in rows. In the foreground, a manicure armrest sits on a counter next to nail tools and a boxed bottle of DND nail polish labeled “Last up to 21 days.” Several people and technicians are visible working in the background. Overlaid text on the image reads, “It’s that time again,” followed by a smiling face and nail polish emojis.

😊

Current mood:

I've tried this once before. We'll see how long it sticks, lol

Alt text: Matt B stands next to a television displaying the streaming menu for Iron Man (2008). The screen shows the title “IRON MAN,” the Marvel Studios logo, a PG-13 rating, runtime of 2h 7m, and options like Play and Trailer, with Iron Man’s helmet and supporting characters pictured. Matt B looks toward the camera from the right side of the frame, wearing a dark shirt, with his shaved head and beard visible.

Screw it, I’m starting from the beginning.