Eric Spitznagel

Just a reminder to Trump that this is what we do to Nazis in Chicago.

Everything I Know About Aging, I Learned From Ozzy | Members Only 15 lessons from the late metal god that prove getting old doesn’t mean getting boring.

Ozzy didn’t fade into the background, he exited like a Norse god being carried to Valhalla on a wave of distortion and dry ice. I wrote some things for AARP about Ozzy Osbourne, and how he proved the human body can run on pure willpower.

www.aarp.org/entertainmen...

The new pope, Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, is from Chicago. Which means before the weekend, putting ketchup on a hotdog will officially become a sin. I'm sorry, those are just the rules. Take it up with God!

OK, just hear me out. What if the Oscars were set up like an escape room? Everyone is trapped inside and has to work together to solve the mystery of Gene Hackman’s death before anyone can leave. This is the distraction. American needs right now!

“Every dog has his day.” - Tony “Scarface” Montana

The best political op-eds get right to the point.

Finally, 2025 has some *good* news.

I need to read the rest of this. TAKE MY MONEY!

Always have a plan B.

I can't be the only one who read this too fast and thought the Dow tumbled because of a blowjob report.

Happy birthday #DavidBowie

When I was a kid, this is what I thought successful, well-adjusted adults looked like.

New Karl Marx cover is fire.

Happy 65th birthday to Grandpaboy!

And even then, I'll need more details.

Rest in peace to the president who showed us how to be a more decent human being. #ripjimmycarter

The perfect Christmas gift for the special someone in your life who wants a 9-year-old book about a 40-year-old looking for punk records from the 80s.
www.amazon.com/Old-Records-...

Somebody needs a pencil.

No Christmas songs about whatever is happening here and I think that's BULLSHIT.

Two of the three people in this photo are dead. The one who isn't is celebrating his 81st birthday today.

Happy 65th birthday to the Second City, the theater where I met my wife, wrote at least four books while being paid to sell tickets, and ate the same pretzels covered in mouse poop for dinner because I was broke that a pre-fame Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert did.

This is the exact amount of focus I’m able to commit to each workday until the end of 2024.

I'm as ready for End Times as I'll ever be.

My dog doesn’t bite. Which is kinda disappointing, because now I’ll never get to recreate my dad’s favorite Peter Sellars gag.

Sharing this as a public service. This is the one and true way to see the holy trifecta.

When people ask, “Any plans for the weekend?”

I like what I like! #SpotifyWrapped

The Hawk Tuah girl’s memecoin lost $500 million in market value today, which means the girl who made a dumb oral sex joke created fake currency once worth more than I could earn in a dozen lifetimes. How can I coexist with that knowledge and also tell my son he needs to study for his math quiz?

Our son’s record of having better musical taste than either of his parents remains unbroken. (No, I’m not sharing mine. It’s like the soundtrack for a retirement home rec room.)

So weird that this would happen in a country where people go bankrupt paying for health care but guns are plentiful.