Michael Moon

The physician did not want a one-way ticket to an El Salvadoran gulag.

We get it, man. We’re not happy either.

It’s amazing how fast we went from “this election is a referendum on egg prices” to “lol the president can’t control bird flu, idiot.”

My folks still own a CRT television. Is this worth reporting?

Woke up thinking about “Good Bones” by Maggie Smith this morning.

www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/89897/...

Fill it up with water.

Gravity doesn’t kick in till you look down.

‘Ey, Blinken!

I don’t know about the “d” or “e,” but there’s definitely another “i” in military.

They’re depending largely on the legal precedent of “quid facies” which translate roughly to “What are you gonna do about it?”

I guess we’re not the only ones who should be thinking about protecting their southern border.

Bouncing my 2-year-old on my knee, I asked her if she liked riding the horse. About an hour later, we did it again. I stopped, and she shouted, “Again, piggy!”

There’s a reason we call her the tiny tyrant.

Showing up to the zombie apocalypse like:

A great truck that doesn’t explode when you’re parking it.

And they’re all still somehow our collective problem. What a perfect metaphor.

The only thing funnier than Ohio State blowing out Oregon would be Oregon coming back to win this game.

I need that combo now. Name your price.

Educators on December 18th vs. educators on January 2nd

Well played, Chat GPT.

I’d want to remain anonymous, too, if this were my ballot.

2-year-old: I don’t want Daddy. I want Mommy.
Me:

TCU’s defense is cagin’

Hot take, I know, but I like Ichiro’s chances this year. I think he gets in on the first ballot.

But do you recall the most paranoid reindeer of all?

Cool. Does anyone know if there’s a historical precedent for appeasing fascist expansionist talk?

Probably not.

We’re not unreasonable. I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes.

“He didn’t *engage* in an insurrection, he only *incited* one, which was his First Amendment right to do, but it wasn’t *really* an insurrection anyway.”

We’re all doomed.

Less playoff expansion, more zany bowls where 7-5 teams compete for the right to eat anthropomorphic Pop-Tarts or take mayonnaise baths.