´ཀ`

i wish people would want me for me and not my body or what i can do for them

i think i have ocd bc why can i put my full body weight on the fridge door to make sure it's closed and am leaning against it and my brain is telling me it's still not closed

i would not be surprised at all if i went into a psychosis

x ed ᵀᵂ

my coworker was putting me in a corset today to model for the shop, and i kept having to size down and i was so shocked,,, then she told me 'i think u think ur bigger than u actually are..' do not say this to me rn im big af

x ed ᵀᵂ

watching old ed docs give me so much comfort or like old intervention eps

x ed ᵀᵂ

i can't wait to get out of 140s jail

x ed ᵀᵂ

bro im so fat im almost busting out of my clothes rn this is ridiculous

it's never gonna get better for me

was happy before therapy and now i am miserable,, i just feel like a giant piece of shit

seeing all the valentines shit makes me want to lose it actually

i just want someone to love me

i feel like i'm on fire

I gotta get away from my ex fr idk why i like to torture myself

x sh ᵀᵂ

i think id even want to do scarification,,, technically ive done it to myself but it's not as good as id like it to look,,, ive done a cross on my thigh but i want to do crosses on both my wrists

ive been thinking abt body mods recently and i always wanted to split my tongue and get a permanent back corset piercing ( i don't think that's a thing ) ever since i was a kid ugh,,, id have to wait till my parents died bc that alone would kill them i think KASGIWEG

i thought this was a safe space my bad

stupidly told my ex today i got sad thinking abt us and he said sorry idk what to say k awesome thank you

today i feel like i did when i was in my deepest depression and it's scaring me

in the back listening to my videos and rocking back and forth trying to regulate rn 😩

have had such an off day today,, i was late to work, forgot something at home, and then someone steals a bunch of shit from my work and scares me and my coworker i'm ready to GOOOO

looking at my childhood from an outside perspective is so disturbing when i think abt it rly hard

my therapist app actually went well and it was very nice we had a good talk

crying bc im a disappointment with no self control

update i caved for today i will have to be a disappointment tomorrow

thank uuuu im fighting the cravings so bad rn

the evil side in me wants tell my therapist id rather continue how i am then keep seeing u

x ed ᵀᵂ

hopefully quitting weed will make me stop binge eating

why are all of my important ppl around me alcoholics or have tendencies is this my curse

x ed ᵀᵂ

i think im just gonna be fat for the rest of my life bc i can't control myself im abt to tape my mouth

my goal in therapy is to quit weed, because it's not doing me any good, but it's sooooo hard and im addicted, but if i don't quit and get better i can't see my therapist anymore fuck my lyfe