Kelly

deleted post have u ever heard of jokes

ill take that as a 'no'

you can always tell when one of your skeets hits the Discover feed

want to be in a throuple. not for love, just the homes i want to buy require 3x my income

Someone come feed me waffles with peanut butter and syrup. 🩷

(bluesky buys linkedin) here's what today's main character crashout taught me about b2b sales:

i distinctly remember a decade+ ago when all the creative jobs started going out the window being told to “learn to code”

i think it's cool that the existence of Zohran Mamdani is clearly driving the Vice President insane

no one should have to "incentivize" you to treat your employees well, jesus christ

it's so deranged how rich business owners have demanded for decades that they be called "job creators" despite the fact that every single person i know has experienced a rich guy buying out an existing business and firing everyone and usually completely bankrupting it before cashing out and leaving

I don't give a shirt about typos

oh are we doin this again?

Heard you like bad boys…

•shows you credit score•

Hating the same things is a love language.

I don't skeet for the fame, the wealth, or the power. I skeet for the love of the game.

You, a slack jawed Neanderthal: Duhh my tik tok where I make a weird face just made a million dollars. I'm going to eat a gold crusted steak to celebrate

Me, a modern philosopher: I've crafted a magnificent sentence on a website where my only reward is getting yelled at. I live for this shit

orange cat looking unimpressed

i'm constantly talking to the cat like "who's my little baby man? who's the cutest little pumpkin muffin in the whole wide world?" and he looks like this

working really hard to get bebé’s first word to be Borat’s ‘wawaweewaa’

I have one anti-talent and it's the total shutdown of my brain when I have to spell something over the phone. "It's B as in uhh Bichael"

don't go viral, go fungal

i just know the vape juice flavors in middle earth go crazy

Aw yay! Thanks for including me in such a great group of folks, Janet! 💖

Limit of 150 is bullshit so here is just a smattering of the folks i like the best.

If you want out just shout the safe word

sometimes i think about how i’m probably never gonna get to play plinko or spin the big wheel, and i get a lil sad.

*trips off into the sunset*

Hey there, Delilah
What's it like in Gotham City?
I hear you're The Joker now
And things are getting shitty

free my beautiful boys what is their crime

Who’s up fluffing they pillows?

Can anyone live in the sewer or do you have to be a clown or a Ninja Turtle

ME: if you’re cold, they’re cold. bring them inside

CORONER: for the last time, please stop opening the cabinets and taking out the bodies

I enjoy selecting the proper paint brush at the store