Kelly

🫂

i urgently need a lawyer/group of lawyers who can write up a risk assessment for people of various citizenship/visa/asylum statuses to get on a plane home to minnesota from detention

Lawsky: who can help with this???

it's 3:30 AM, of course we're spiraling

Instead of age verification, websites should just make you describe the first time you saw someone die on the Internet. if the story makes whoever reads it sad, you're an adult for Internet purposes.

Adulting is knowing *I CAN* eat a triple chocolate muffin at midnight, but *I SHOULDNT* and then *I EAT IT ANYWAY*

Lucky guess 🫠😂

The choice to frame this rhetorically as a negotiation *with ICE and DHS* rather than, you know, a decision about their future made by their rightful superiors in the popularly elected legislature is, to me, incredibly grating.

Not many people know this, but pigeons really do hate us, and they choose the most clean cars on purpose

Is your mother also in a committed relationship with Gibbs, like mine is?

him: would you say you’re silly?

me: i’m half goose, on my dads side

the primary reason rightwingers will never control culture is because everything they do is hinged upon it being a reaction to the broader culture. the TPUSA half time event would not exist without it being a representation of their grievences

Imagine the cognitive dissonance of hating BIPOC while having a spray tan

it's stupid motherfuckers all the way down

where’s this famous grass everyone keeps recommending i touch?

Everyone needs to say in one voice we will primary you if you don't support abolishing ice

FEATURE What happens when you lose your work libido

hey quick question how do we fix whatever cultural circumstances made this sentence possible

mo pizza less problems

Staying up late as an adult is just letting the dumbest version of yourself make decisions that will ruin the smartest version of yourself

I wrote you a poem.
It goes:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
*coughs blood*

"Pwease oh pwetty pwease mistew nazis wiw you fowwow the Constitution and the existing waws and we wiw gib you more money"

That's you. That's what you sound like. Fucking pathetic.

I‘m really more of a discontent creator.

“athletes who get one chance to perform on a true world stage every four years take every possible precaution to be in the best condition possible when it’s time to compete”

I think it’s supercool of the authoritarian panopticon doorbell company to name themselves after the demon video that kills you in 7 days; almost as cool as the authoritarian panopticon precrime software company to name themselves after the evil demon orb that puts its users in thrall to Sauron.

idk i think in a time when it feels like nothing matters & all is futile it might actually be time to double down and write your stories & make your paintings & sing your songs & do your art. create the things that make us human and share them.

wow. still going huh?

It is very funny that Elon talks about building a city on Mars or a city on the Moon when we all know him building a city in Indiana would be an unmitigated disaster

I enjoyed the Super Bowl halftime show but it would be nice if next year the halftime show was a plain black screen for fifteen minutes, giving football fans a quiet moment to contemplate their own mortality

conservative: i can’t understand a single word in this halftime show, what else is on

🎵bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy🎵

conservative: amen patriot

posting at 3:39am so you don’t have to