mashed potato enthusiast

One of my best friends was raised JW, and I asked him the other day if they believed in the devil, since they don’t believe in Hell. He said “Very much so.”

And all I could think was, “But where does he LIVE?”

You are needed, appreciated, and loved. Even if you don’t like pie.

you can lead a man to water but he still won’t wash his butthole with it

yeah I'm DTF

D own
To eat
Fat burritos

inside me are two burritos, they were delicious

explaining to my boss that i am late every day because we are in the bad timeline

Tama Gucci Mane

is this anything?

Your shitposting is tearing this family apart.

That thump from under the floorboards sure has been a lot louder lately.

It’s not over, I won’t let it go. 🎃

What if we made out in the LEGO store.

The insanity of all this is increasing at an exponential rate, something has to break bubba

After exhausting all other options, I’ve decided to lose my shit.

you look like someone who thinks all pasta shapes are the same

eat me like one of your French fries

...and send

me: SOMEBODY STOP ME!

them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'

oops I think I lost my funny bone

please tell them I said hello and that I love them

If you are a bird and you use my hair in your nest, I am technically your landlord

i would consider macaroni and cheese a "core" thanksgiving side as quintessential to the holiday as green beans or mashed potatoes. some however would disagree *steeples fingers* much to consider

making a glitter bomb with my body hair

give every transgender person a mech suit

building out a work portfolio is reminding me that I do enjoy what I do, but it would be better if someone would pay me to do it

wow, it's almost like monopolies are bad or something

In 2028 I will vote for whoever will send Stephen Miller to The Hague.

I would pay extra to make select people's phones keep buzzing until they read my text

clarrissa did explain this actually

If a woman looks sad, tell her, "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.

is this what happens when the economy is good

Pepperidge Farm Remembers What You Did Last Summer