Enigma Ninja

Having to pass through US Customs going out AND coming back? Hell no. They be crazy.

Plot twist - Meeting planning agency arranging flights has me connecting through Newark 💀

Agency: Please confirm if this is acceptable
Me:

Right?! Just hanging in there, barely. So, like, same ol’ same ol’ 😂. Hope all is well with you and yours!

It’s like they don’t even KNOW me.

I don’t post very often, but when I do I make the same types of grammar mistakes here that I used to make in the bad place. Then dealing with the dilemma of delete-and-edit vs fuck-it, just gives me the same warm and fuzzies.

Was invited to conflicting meetings on the same dates: one in Miami and the other in Madrid. My manager suggested I toss a coin to decide and I said no because that might mean I would have to go to the Miami one.

a woman with short hair is sitting at a table with her arm in the air and says boom ... and there it is . ALT: a woman with short hair is sitting at a table with her arm in the air and says boom ... and there it is .

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

These fairies be slacking in their duties, I tell you.

When I pick up the the mail I just leave the credit card bills unopened on the dining table for the Credit Card Fairy to return to sender.

Does it involve Mogwai in some way? I hope it involves Mogwai in some way.

Ours leaked because we were using too much detergent. I didn’t believe the repair guy when he came in for an unrelated issue. Then we started using less soap and voila the leaking stopped.

I know it’s awfully specific for someone without any game plan whatsoever

I would like a job where I sit in a Parisian cafe with a book in one hand and an espresso in the other, periodically glancing up to silently judge passers-by until it’s time to go home to my rooftop flat and a chilled Pinot Gris where I absentmindedly pick through charcuterie before falling asleep.

I’m so sorry. I hope she’s having all the fun eating and chasing all the things across that rainbow bridge.

WHEN’S THE SEQUEL COMING OUT? 👀

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to completely abandon that platform and then I see posts like this and I’m all yup.

Random aches and pains are super annoying. I hope whatever it is gets better for you. Getting old is highly overrated tbh.

The bureaucracy is like, outstanding, in this fair socialist paradise.

Have to set up a Canada Revenue Agency account for my mom, but they no longer take passports as valid ID. Ontario Photo Cards are accepted. So I look up how to apply for a photo card. You know what’s the only piece of ID you need?

A passport.

The random bolding of words makes this totally legit.

I feel this. I would like to start counting down the days until my retirement, but that ain’t happening soon so I’m left counting down days until my next vacation.

While on the topic of things you remember from high school days: in 10th grade our science club had a school contest to name its 2 turtles. My pick “Bartles and Jaymes” got the most votes but was vetoed by the Vice Principal who unilaterally decided on “Bert and Ernie” instead. I’m still not bitter

a man in a yellow shirt is sitting in a chair holding a cup and pointing ALT: a man in a yellow shirt is sitting in a chair holding a cup and pointing

ISWYDT

a man wearing a black shirt that says the bloodline ALT: a man wearing a black shirt that says the bloodline

*applauds en Français*

From a friend …

Honestly. So much unnecessary noise and banging 🫠

When my youngest empties the dishwasher it sounds like how I imagine the bowels of a restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen during second seating on a Saturday night would sound.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been on hold so long that when you finally get through you’ve forgotten why you called in the first place 🙋🏻‍♂️

STOP E-MAILING ME 😂😂😂

“Just bringing this to the top of your inbox” actually makes me want to push your e-mail farther down my priority list I’m not even joking.